One of the things we tend to pride ourselves on in Greece is close family ties. Most of the time, we don’t share with our people formal relationships, but deep, meaningful ones. We are there for each other, we give and receive help, support, solidarity real and important. And that is truly beautiful.

However, it sometimes creates a problem: Such close relationships blur the boundaries between when it is allowed and when not for a relative to interfere in your personal life and choices. Inevitably, the leading role in this is usually played by the mother, the person who loves us more than anyone else in the world. And well, when it comes to our own mother, we can set the boundaries a little easier.

But what if the problem is the mother of our other half?

According to the clinical psychologist, Sanam Hafeezfor a mother to be considered authoritarian—and therefore problematic—she must do any of the following:

  • Comes home unannounced or stays for long periods of time
  • She is criticizing her child’s partner, namely you
  • Attempts to control or dictate important decisions in your life together, such as how the children will be raised, where you will live or your career choices
  • She over-involves herself in her child’s life and wants to be included in every event or decision
  • She ignores or does not respect the boundaries set by her child or you
  • Behaves manipulatively and/or tries to create conflict between the couple
  • She is jealous of you and the relationship you have with her child

If you recognize some of the signs above, then you probably know how annoying, but also dangerous for your relationship, this type of behavior can be. “Domineering moms tend to stress out one or both of them, creating tension between the couple“, Dr. says to Purewow. Hafeez. In other words, whether they like it or not, domineering mothers are likely to wreak havoc and push couples apart.

How do you deal with an overbearing mother-in-law?

Such a woman will not usually be very flexible, nor will she be understanding, so dealing with her will not be a simple matter. There are, however, some things you can do to lessen the impact of such behavior on your relationship:

  • Communicate the problem openly

Not all domineering mothers realize that there is something wrong with their behavior and, in some cases, they are unaware of the negative effect it has on those around them. Therefore, it is better to communicate openly what is troubling you. “Be clear and direct with your mother-in-law about your feelings and boundaries“, advises Dr. Hafeez. “Avoid using confrontational language, but be firm and assertive». Talk to her about the problem in a calm moment and avoid personal attacks at all costs.

  • Set boundaries

It is not always easy to set boundaries, nor to ensure that they are respected. So be prepared for a little extra effort. Dr. Hafeez suggests thinking, first with yourself and then with your partner, what your needs are, so that you can then decide and define together “some non-negotiable boundaries, which you will make sure are respected».

  • Move away

In moments when the tension increases and you feel great dissatisfaction, dr. Hafeez recommends “take a step back from the relationship with said mother for a period of time,” even if that means avoiding seeing or talking to her until things calm down. After all, if the climate is not good, there is no fertile ground for compromises and solutions. So, give yourself some time off. This will only help.

  • Put your partner in the game

Your other half cannot be uninvolved in this situation. After all, this is his own mother, so he should be actively involved in the decisions and actions of how you handle the situation.

  • Seek support

If your partner can’t see the problem, then they probably won’t give you the support you need. In this case, you may need outside help to deal with the issue. According to dr. Hafeez, where there is conflict between partners and communication has started to break down, “the best thing to do is to seek help from a therapist or trusted friend, who can provide an objective perspective and suggest coping strategies».