You must have seen at least once that commercial where a woman takes a pregnancy test and with excitement and emotion discovers that yes, she is pregnant.

You will surely have seen the ads that follow, those that show happy mothers taking care of their babies with affection and tenderness. And these images really exist. Women who want, who try so hard to be mothers and who, in the end, really find joy and fulfillment through having a child. These images are real.

But you know what else is real?

A test that comes back negative creates the same excitement. A difficult birth, full of suffering for the woman who experiences it, for her body, her organism, her psychology. Postpartum depression and any other challenge that accompanies a mother who has just given birth. A woman who is informed that the child she is carrying has an incurable condition and will have to terminate the pregnancy.

A woman who is not even allowed to do this, because it is “immoral” and illegal, and she will be forced to give birth to a creature that has no life. And, finally, a woman who will not become a mother, quite simply because she does not want to.

Am I shocking you? These images are just as real. But they have one difference: You will never see them. They will never show you. You will learn to look with real curiosity at a woman who declares that she does not want to give birth to a child. You will say that she is not well, that something is wrong in her mind. And did you notice how I put it? “A woman who declares.” And do you know why he says that? Why did you force her? You and your ilk. From a certain age on, almost the only questions a woman gets are when she will get married and have children. And if you see her growing up without becoming a mother, you’ll assume she couldn’t.

He never wanted to. You will call her a pseudo-revolutionary, supposedly alternative. In fact, you’ll tell her a lot more than that. You will judge her. In ways obvious, but also others, that he will never realize.

But I have a question: Who asked you?

When did you apologize for your life and choices? Did the woman you judge so harshly ever ask you how and why? Why do you care; And also, you who ask, do you know how hard it is to be a mother? It is the most demanding role in life. That is why we deeply admire the women who take on this role. At the same time, however, we also praise those who feel that they do not want or cannot take on this responsibility. In fact, it’s the most honest thing they can do.