As a well-known saying goes, no road is paved with rose petals. So are relationships. They are routes between people. Routes with flowers, but also thorns. Sun, but also cloudy.

Good days, when everything is going well and others, more difficult, when it takes effort to keep the spark burning. However, this is also the normal flow of things. And, finally, if there is will and effort, the cloudiness quickly dissipates.

But what do people do to keep romance alive in a long-term relationship that seems to have nothing new to learn anymore? How can couples refresh the romance between them?

A new study has revealed that, after all, we all use more or less the same practices. In particular, the research, published in Evolutionary Psychology, researchers from Greece, led by Menelaos Apostolou, professor of psychology at the University of Nicosia, tried to examine the most common strategies that people use to improve the relationship with their partners.

Researchers surveyed hundreds of people to discover their common relationship renewal tactics. Although they collected a total of 81 “actions that people were likely to perform with this goal,” they narrowed these common techniques down to 14 common “relationship-enhancing strategies.”

Who are they;

  • Trying to understand the other person’s needs
  • The discussion of problems
  • Showing more interest in their partner
  • Creating shared experiences
  • The development of trust
  • The express expression of love
  • Giving more space to their partner
  • Acceptance of criticism from the partner
  • Maintaining self-control
  • Self care
  • The reduction of whining and distancing
  • The effort of concessions and compromises
  • Self improvement
  • Changes in external appearance

Of these tactics, “trying to understand others’ needs, discussing problems, and showing greater interest in the partner” proved to be the most frequently used.

Which techniques have proven to be the most effective?

The researchers found that “trying to understand partners’ needs, discussing problems, and expressing feelings openly” were shown to have the greatest impact on the relationship.

According to the experts, it was interesting that “efforts to improve self and appearance” were both the least frequently used and the least effective strategies.

In terms of the differences observed between women and men, there were only a few notable findings: Men were more willing to make concessions and compromises to improve their relationship, as opposed to women, who were less likely to use it the strategy. Women found more helpful tactics to show more interest in their partners and complain less.

What does all this tell us about relationships?

As the researchers note, it’s important to understand how we tend to approach improving our relationships. While many of us naturally use the most effective tactics, others may use tactics that don’t work very well. For example, if you focus on improving your appearance in an effort to improve your relationship, you may end up realizing that it didn’t make much sense after all, and that there may be more important things to focus on, such as focusing on his needs other or discuss your problems openly.

“Our findings can help both people trying to improve their relationship and mental health professionals trying to help their patients, especially today, at a time when personal relationships seem to be going through a severe crisis.”