We’ve all heard of ‘daddy issues’. This is not an official psychology term, but a pop culture phrase established to describe relationship problems, trust issues, and actions that express low self-esteem, stemming from a poor or inadequate relationship with a father figure in childhood.

The term describes, in a way, the father complexwhich “can lead to poor partner choices later in life“, asserts in Cosmopolitan o Ness Cooper, therapist and sexologist in Je Joue. “Those who experience daddy issues are very likely to seek out father figures in their romantic relationships as well, people who offer something of a parental atmosphere. They reflect, after all, that the relationship you have with your father will likely have a significant impact on your adult life and the way you form and handle relationships».

“Daddy issues could be simply defined as parental wounds that a person carries from their father“, explains sexologist Madalaine Munro. “They essentially describe insecurity around relationships, which is due to mistakes made in the relationship with parents».

“We subconsciously choose partners who will help us heal our parental wounds.” Munro explains and continues: “For example, if you had an emotionally unavailable father figure, you’re likely to choose matching partners because that’s the pattern your subconscious mind is familiar with. You choose these partners in an attempt to convince yourself that you can make someone love you. Your nervous system directs you to where it feels familiar, even if it’s not a truly safe place. It takes time to heal attachment patterns and change the way you operate».

“Many love relationships repeat the child-parent pattern. It is very common in a couple that one acts on the other’s direction, just like a parent’s relationship with their child.Cooper adds.

How to overcome daddy issues?

Madalaine Munro recommends taking a look at your relationships and how you attach to them, and then separating the elements that you think make a healthy relationship from the ones you’d rather not have. Think about what a healthy relationship looks like for you and get rid of anything that doesn’t fit that pattern.

“This takes work on yourself. You have the opportunity to create a secure attachment to yourself, which will revolutionize the relationships you create with those around you. By creating strong foundations and inner resilience, you will gradually make more correct choices of partners, which will be closer to what you judge as ideal».

Experts point out, finally, that we all have, to some extent, daddy issues. Growing up, however, this becomes a problem that passes into our own control and our own responsibility. Building healthy relationships, both with ourselves and with the people in our lives can be a real challenge, but it is the goal and an achievable goal.