There come those moments when the crazy action of everyday life takes a break. You sit in your armchair with a warm mug of your favorite drink. Maybe it happens again at night, when you lie down to sleep: Your mind is flooded with thoughts about everything you have lived, what you have done, what you have chosen, how you have handled difficulties and how you have reacted to certain situations. Why else do you feel pride? However, there are also those that you would prefer to forget. You wish you had Hermione Granger’s magical time-turning clock so you could go back in time and do something different. This thought torments you. Sometimes, it’s hard to forgive yourself for things you’ve done. You know you can’t change what has already happened. And that feels like it’s suffocating you.

Psychologists call this time travel “reverse thinking.” It is a process that can also be productive. However, when it becomes a constant condition of your daily life, then it can be a source of emotional discomfort.

The disadvantages of contrarian thinking

According to Avila University’s Jared Branch, there’s nothing wrong with going back in time, taking a trip down your “personal episodic memory” and recalling various events in your life. The problem arises when these become the cause of negative emotions. Previous research has shown associations between the habit of recalling and revisiting past events and major mood disorders such as depression and post-traumatic stress. Contrarian thinking has also been associated with personality traits such as neuroticism (tendency to worry and anxiety) and low levels of pleasure.

How is contrarian thinking created?

Constantly living in the past, especially with a pessimistic attitude, is what leads to opposite thinking. Dr. Branch wanted to find out more about why people are plagued by negative thinking about the past, so he conducted a related study, distributing a series of questionnaires to a group of undergraduate students. The key measures in this study were “involuntary” counterthinking—that is, being plagued by the urge to rework past events—and “voluntary” counterthinking—that is, forcing yourself to think those thoughts. The responses showed that people with depressive symptoms and those who follow an emotional way of thinking engage in both types of counterfactual thinking.

The study’s conclusions were very interesting: Past perspective did not appear to have anything to do with contrarian thinking, leading Branch to conclude that it “exists as a distinct category of mental time travel.” In other words, it’s good to remember the past, there are dangers in trying to “rewrite” it. It was also found that it is better to focus on the present in order to avoid the “trap” of excessive negative thinking.

How do you get rid of the opposite thought?

Master the “art” of mindfulness. Focus on the here and now and dedicate yourself to what you are living and not to what has passed. Yes, the mistakes are there, you made them. But you can’t do anything about it anymore. Come to terms with the idea and move forward, using the knowledge these mistakes gave you.

You can’t change the past. But you can shape the future. You can become the best version of yourself. By learning from the mistakes of the past, you can plan a much better future, as free as possible of things, manipulations and behaviors that you will later regret. And you can do it, because now you know.

Memories are an essential part of our lives and identity. The question is not to get rid of them, but neither to let them “suffocate” us. The goal is to learn to use them productively and beneficially.