As defined by mental health expert Minaa B., LMSW, “the boundaries we set to help us assess what is our responsibility and what is not, and it also defines what our leeway is”.

They help us take care of ourselves while also caring for others, she adds, as they teach people that they are allowed to interact by setting their own rules. It is a lesson in responsibility and justice.

Whether you managed to set your limits last year or are still struggling, below are some tips for setting and maintaining limits.

Healthy boundaries start with two very simple tips

No one said establishing personal boundaries was easy. Being honest about your needs and then expressing them is hard. Although creating boundaries (and sticking to them) may make you feel like you’re a bad person, you’re not. Conversely, by maintaining healthy boundaries, you strengthen your relationships.

You should start by defining your values.

Values, or the things you consider important to you, play a role in making your decisions. They are behaviors, not just thoughts and feelings. Understanding your values ​​allows you to create a starting point for setting the boundaries that best support you. For example, if unscheduled visits are not something you enjoy, telling your family and friends that you would like them to let you know whenever they intend to visit you is essential.

Remember: When you say yes to things that don’t align with your values, that’s when feelings of regret and shame creep in.

Second, stop letting your emotions control you.

Emotional intelligence is key to setting boundaries, as it allows you to approach your emotions through a non-judgmental lens and without letting them dictate or control your behaviors. Emotions like guilt often accompany boundaries, but it’s important to note that doing the right thing doesn’t always make you feel good. When you need to deal with your feelings caused by boundaries, try some breathing, writing, meditation.

In addition, the following methods will definitely help you defend yourself.

Disconnect from the culture of urgency.

The pandemic has fueled the culture of urgency or the expectation to be on call at all times, so much so that people think that free time is synonymous with your availability. As work and personal life became intertwined and technological tools began to fill the void for interpersonal connections, people adapted the mindset that everyone is free. So the only way to offset this expectation is to stay firm in your boundaries.

Stay true to what you want

After being cooped up in our homes for over a year, getting back to “normalcy” (if there is such a thing) has proven difficult for many. There was no gradual return, meaning we went from a solitary lifestyle to a time full of weddings, holidays and birthday gatherings. “Many people have found that their body, mind, and spirit have acclimated to a slower, more introverted way of being,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD. And of course, change always causes stress.

Set boundaries even in your family

As more and more people seek support for their mental health, there is an increased need for boundary setting as a psychological survival technique. In the case of friendship, there may be various reasons that lead you to set boundaries, for example feeling that the relationship is one-sided and having different communication styles.

Having boundaries in a friendship isn’t just about saying no.

Talk to your boyfriend about what’s bothering you and how you’d like your relationship to move forward. Ask your friend for his thoughts on the matter as well. As you have this discussion, be clear so there is no room for misunderstanding. And, instead of focusing on your friend’s behavior, focus the conversation around how it makes you feel.

And finally, you should remember that only you set your limits for yourself. Many times we make the mistake of letting others set boundaries for us. Only you know what you want from yourself, what you want from others and, most importantly, how much you can bear and at what point you should set your limits.