No breakup is easy. No matter how long the relationship lasted, there were feelings, moments, laughs, life that you shared with someone and now it’s hard to part with them. Some take the breakup more seriously. They shut themselves up for days or even weeks. They want to “mourn” in peace. Some others, trying not to perceive the pain that accompanies a breakup, deal with the situation more forcefully. They fill their daily lives with work, obligations and loved ones, so that they are constantly busy.

Most people, however, no matter how they handle the breakup, will be faced with other people’s clichés like “it will get better,” “everything happens for a reason,” and “time heals all wounds.” And, there may indeed be some truth in these phrases, but they actually offer little comfort.

One thing is clear: The journey to recovery is a purely personal affair, there are no universal solutions. However, understanding that others have suffered similar pain and learning from their experiences can be an important source of comfort, notes relationship expert Niloo Dardashti.

SELF collected the opinions of people who experienced difficult breakups and went through this road of “recovery” in different ways. Thirteen people share their experience and reveal what really helped them get over a breakup and move on:

  • “Prioritizing my health made the difference”

After the breakup, I found myself in a downward spiral, spending days in bed, skipping meals, and avoiding social contact. Realizing that this was hindering my recovery, I started focusing on my well-being through simple things like eating, walking, and reconnecting with friends, which greatly lifted my spirits.

  • “One last conversation with my ex was decisive”

I sought closure by asking my ex key questions about the reasons for the breakup, his feelings, and possible mistakes made. After that, we completely stopped contact.

  • “Journaling brought clarity”

Journaling allowed me to process my emotions more effectively, encouraging me to develop new goals and perspectives, facilitating my emotional progress.

  • “Surrounding myself with supportive people was key”

Losing myself in the relationship, my friends and family helped me find my identity again, providing comfort and positivity when loneliness hit me.

  • “I found solace in similar stories online”

Listening to podcasts and watching YouTube videos about breakups, especially Emma Chamberlain’s “Anything Goes,” resonated with me, offering insights into personal growth and rebuilding my self-esteem.

  • “Seeing separation as an opportunity to strengthen other bonds”

The end of my romantic relationship highlighted the neglect of other important relationships, prompting me to delve into them.

  • “Allowing grief to be expressed – with limits of course”

I set aside specific times for sadness, making sure it didn’t dominate my day. Taking up new hobbies, like yoga, helped me find joy and self-awareness again.

  • “I focused on my personal development”

Realizing that the pain of separation is fleeting, I recognized my own role in healing and moving forward each day.

  • “I identified the red flags and unpleasant memories”

Writing down the problematic aspects of the relationship served as a reminder of the reasons that led to the end every time I missed my ex.

  • “Yes to new contacts”

I pursued casual dating after the breakup, reminding myself of the vast potential of relationships and the temporary nature of some connections.

  • “I accepted the non-linear nature of the post-breakup period”

Acknowledging that emotional fluctuations are normal and do not undermine overall progress was comforting.

  • “Separating my identity from the relationship was pivotal”

After the breakup, I focused on activities and friendships that defined me outside of the relationship, helping with my emotional recovery.

  • “I embraced the pain as something temporary”

Acknowledging the discomfort of negative emotions, with the assurance that they will pass, was crucial to coping with the difficult period.