You have been unhappy in your relationship for some time now. You’re thinking about getting a divorce. You can imagine the idea of ​​freedom, to focus on your own needs, to make a new beginning. But you think: “how can I get away without causing too much damage?

You sit alone and think about what it would be like if you broke up after so many years of marriage or relationship. What would it be like if you could not see the person who is now bothering you at all, until the end. You like this idea, you want it, you need it. However, it may not be the best or the right decision, at least for now. Unless you’re considering a divorce because of an abusive relationship, serial infidelity, or a serious addiction, the possibility of a divorce should be considered carefully and methodically.

Everything you think about before you make the decision to divorce

Relationships are hard, but there are a lot of things to think about, and the first step is to make sure that this breakup is the best option for you.

Breaking up with someone who you feel pulls you back or doesn’t understand you is complicated. There will be collateral losses. You wonder if you could break up amicably. Of course, this will almost certainly not happen at first, but later.

How do you know when it’s the right time to break up? Is it just a phase? What will your family and friends say? What if you regret it? These are some of the thoughts that go through your mind. And not unfair.

Take a step back and take your time. You don’t have to decide today. You may think you can’t take another minute with this person. This may mean you need a break. Sometimes a short separation or a “trial divorce” can be okay. Going away for a while can be a shock at first and you might not like it. Seeing those around you react negatively to the big change can hurt you and fill you with second thoughts. But this time, your priority should be you!

And somewhere there, you break up

Suddenly, the new beginning doesn’t exactly match what you had in your imagination. Your emotions and perspective change and your mind plays strange games. You may think that you made a mistake, that it was worth another try, or you may feel that you desperately want to go back.

That’s when you have to show your strength. The force of habit is one of the most powerful things and you have to teach yourself to live under the new circumstances. The loneliness you will feel at the beginning is capable of pushing you to the wrong times, wrong messages and setbacks (which are definitely wrong). The empty house, the empty closet, every corner that was filled by the person you no longer wanted in your life, are there to remind you that every choice has its consequences.

On the other hand, the abundant time, friends, new hangouts and your new self are also there to remind you that every end is a new beginning. How cliché that phrase. Between us, whenever I hear her, I resent it. And then I remember how many “new beginnings” came from an “end” that I did everything to keep from coming.

When you lose hope, you lose everything

Hope, after all, is what keeps everything alive. Starting as early as the relationship period, when you lose hope for improvement or change, that’s when it’s no longer worth trying. After all, without hope, no matter how hard you try, the result will not be satisfactory. Without hope, you have already determined the sequel.

When you break up, you start and reminisce about the beginning of the relationship that ended. The first dates, the first moments… You think that there will never again be something that will excite you and make you fall in love and enter into a relationship that will make you happy. You’re losing hope again.

Separation is not a defeat. You may not consider it a victory, but definitely leaving at the right time is a lifesaver. It takes courage and audacity, to go against habit, security and certainty and to prioritize you and your development.

After a while, your new self will thank you for putting him first, for protecting him, for “pushing” him to move forward. After a while, you live a new life, renewed and when the memories “hit” here and there, you smile and continue with your eyes full of hope, now!