Complete independence from sex and relationships is “not the goal”…
It was a visit to her grandmother late last year that made her Hope Woodard, 26, of New York;, to realize it was time to stop dating. During the visit, Hope’s grandmother, who suffers from dementia, approached her and showed her the messages she was sending her late husband.
At the time, Hope was obsessed with a man from Hinge, whom she had gone on a few dates with. “I was constantly on hold and checking my phone like crazy,” she tells Cosmopolitan UK. “And I was so conscious of the fact that he cared nothing for me.”.
Seeing her grandmother texting “nobody” was a stark reminder of her own love life. “I come from a long line of women who could never live without men”says Hope. “That made me think: this is going to be me in the future. I’m being ghosted by a man and my grandmother is being “ghosted” by her literally dead husband. I was thinking we have to stop the cycle.”
Shortly after the visit, Hope deleted all her dating apps, and set a rule for herself: no dating for a year. Then, armed with a catchy new term coined by her sister, Hope began documenting her “boy sober” journey to her half a million TikTok followers. The caption for the first video, which he shared in November, read: “Maybe we should start a CULT.” In a later video, Hope laid out the ‘boy sober’ rules, including ‘no dating apps’, ‘no dates, no exes’, ‘no situationships’ and ‘no hugs and kisses – etc’.
The term quickly took off and soon others were on board the boy sober train. Among them is Carly Galluzo, 28, also from New York, who became “boy sober” earlier this year, citing similar behaviors to Hope as the reason for her decision. The pattern is familiar: she would fall for someone quickly, find herself completely absorbed in the thought of him, and then be bitterly disappointed when he didn’t live up to her expectations.
The last time this happened was in January, when Carly met a guy on a dating app and fell in love with him in no time. “I had these obsessive thoughts – I wasn’t really sleeping. I was just thinking: “What will our life be like? What will our marriage be like?’says Carly. “We’ve only been talking for a week.”
When she didn’t succeed, she was left “angry and upset” again. “I was free, but whenever I was free, I was looking,” Carly continues. “It made me think maybe I should stop this whole thing, hit the ‘reset’ button and really think about how I’ve been dating my whole life.” In January, Carly deleted her dating apps and hasn’t dated since. Even when she’s been approached by people asking her out on dates – some she could imagine herself romantically dating – she’s told them she’s “not dating right now”. Unlike Hope, Carly doesn’t have an end date set for her boy sober period.
While Carly and Hope’s decision to cut off all romantic encounters may sound drastic, wanting to take a step back from dating is a feeling many will be familiar with. “Burnout” from dating apps is steadily increasing, as people tire of endless deletion and expensive dates that go nowhere. “If you’re feeling exhausted from dating, maybe it’s time to take a little break. Focus on what you love to do and the people in your life who matter,” says Natasha Silverman, relationship consultant at Relate. “When you feel more confident and secure, you tend to go on dates in a different mood. You know who you are and what you are willing to put up with.”
Silverman adds that people often use dating and sex “compulsively or to numb negative feelings or low self-esteem.” These trends, she says, “could be a sign that it’s time to focus on you and how you can take care of yourself.”
The desire to stop dating – even temporarily – also reflects changing attitudes towards love and relationships. Marriage and the concept of soul mates are increasingly seen as outdated, while self-development and building stronger friendships become more important. According to research by Bumble, almost half (47%) of 18 to 24-year-olds in the UK say that platonic friendships are more important to them than romantic ones.
Both Hope and Carly say that letting go of romantic relationships led them to develop deeper platonic friendships, which helped them feel less anxious about reaching certain milestones like marriage. “I don’t feel lonely, whereas I did in relationships,” Carly says. “I’m not afraid to be alone anymore. I know that won’t happen because I’ve made so many good friendships.”
Hope still struggles with what it means to truly be boy sober. However, she admitted that she slept with someone a week ago. “At first, when it happened, I felt like a hypocrite. I was so hard on myself,” she says. “But then I started thinking about what ‘boy sober’ really means, which is to try to reprogram my brain and my old habits.”
For Hope, complete independence from sex and relationships is “not the goal.” Understanding why he feels the way he does in romantic situations, and how that relates to things like past trauma, is what he wants to understand now. “Maybe that’s what the word means,” he concludes. “Take a very sober look at your life, at dating”.
Source :Skai
I am Frederick Tuttle, who works in 247 News Agency as an author and mostly cover entertainment news. I have worked in this industry for 10 years and have gained a lot of experience. I am a very hard worker and always strive to get the best out of my work. I am also very passionate about my work and always try to keep up with the latest news and trends.