How to Keep Your Wedding Photos from Hating Them Forever

When Alexandra Weinstein received the photos from her Anguilla wedding in November 2023, she loved them all. At first.

A few weeks later, after she had gone through all the photos and reflected further, she felt something was wrong with the editing style, and she wasn’t happy. She felt it left her makeup dull, her teeth yellow, and the ocean floor gray.

Months after an email exchange with her photographer, she took to TikTok to recount the experience in a series of videos that have collectively garnered millions of views. She said she asked for re-edits of some of the photos, but when she didn’t like the updated versions, she asked for the unedited images. The photographer shared some, which Weinstein edited himself to better align with his vision.

Eventually, Weinstein asked for all the unedited images, and the photographer quoted a price that she and her husband found unacceptable, after initially paying nearly $8,000. She posted on her Instagram Stories something along the lines of: “You shouldn’t be in the wedding industry if you’re not looking to please a client,” Weinstein shared in a phone interview.

“And I had sent an email saying, I really hope you don’t want me to share a negative review about this situation,” said Weinstein, 30, who lives in Tampa, Florida.

“As a first-time bride, you’re going in blind,” she said. “You don’t know the right questions to ask.” She said she found the photographer on Instagram, they chatted and she sent him a Pinterest board with ideas of what she wanted.

She said that since posting her videos, she has received messages from other women who have had similar experiences with their wedding photographs. Weinstein’s alleged photographer did not respond to requests for comment.

As is the tradition on social media, wedding photographers, potential brides and digital viewers weighed in on what has become known as the “Sepia Bride,” named for the way some users described the golden-hued images shown in the videos. Some sided with the photographer, saying the results matched his style. Some disagreed with Weinstein’s decision to share the experience online.

Others sympathized with her, arguing that for a wedding, a photographer should do whatever it takes to make the client happy. The conversation spread from TikTok to Reddit, Threads, and other platforms (and along the way, even sparked arguments over the pronunciation of “sepia”).

The discussions left some people wondering: how do you ensure you love your wedding photos?

We interviewed several photographers who shared advice on what to do if you have concerns about your photos and how to hire the right photographer for your taste and style.

“The secret to great wedding photography is the same as the secret to great weddings, which is: communicate, and over-communicate, and then communicate again, just to be sure,” said Kayla Lang, a photographer and videographer in West Lafayette, Indiana, who runs Lang Co. with her husband, Mike Lang.

In a phone interview, Kayla said there are variables a photographer can’t control, like weather conditions, but often, an editing concern — like if the groomsmen are wearing navy blue but their suits look black in the photos — can be resolved if the client raises it as soon as possible.

Kayla and several other photographers recommended that clients see a photographer’s work in a variety of lighting conditions, locations, and weather conditions before booking. Look at examples of their work with people of varying skin tones and body types. Go beyond the samples on their Instagram pages and review multiple full wedding galleries if possible (Lang, who has posted tips for couples on TikTok, said her photo edits try to match the energy of the day rather than a specific style).

Consider doing an engagement photoshoot as a test. Read reviews, offers, and contracts carefully. Use referrals from friends and family. Most importantly, many photographers said, have an open conversation, ideally face-to-face, early in the process.

Kesha Lambert, a photographer based in New Rochelle, New York, says that in this initial conversation, you want to get a sense of the photographer as a person. Consider whether you want this person to be part of the intimate spaces and family dynamics of your wedding day.

When it comes to editing, Lambert finds it helpful when couples have visual references, like a Pinterest board, that they can discuss together. She uses visual examples because she said many people may not have the language to describe exactly what look and style of editing they prefer. And if they do, that language can be highly subjective.

“Someone might say, ‘I really like a natural touch-up, I don’t want to look overly edited,’ but natural means two completely different things,” Lambert said. “Natural might mean one thing to me and something else to them.”

Lambert added that if you’re disappointed with your photos, talk to your photographer and “approach the conversation in a non-accusatory way.” Describe how you feel and ask if there are any options available. She said she believes most photographers would appreciate knowing if a client was unhappy with their work so they could have the opportunity to make amends within reason.

It’s also good to know that different photographers have different approaches to weddings. There are those who tend toward a “documentary” style, capturing moments as they naturally unfold, and those who actively pose couples and their loved ones.

“One way to look at it is that some photographers are directors and some photographers are collectors,” said John Dolan, author of “The Perfect Imperfect: The Wedding Photographs of John Dolan,” whose upcoming edition features his work on the weddings of Gwyneth Paltrow, AnnaSophia Robb and Naomi Biden.

Dolan said the photographer plays a unique role in a wedding. Oftentimes, within the first hour of work, they’ll see you crying, stressed, or getting dressed. Photographers are tasked with not just preserving memories, but performing a kind of emotional alchemy.

“I just think it’s a live performance, it’s a delicate operation,” Dolan said. “I kind of see myself as a heart specialist, where I go in and perform these really special operations and make something come out beautifully.”

He thinks sitting down together is a vital first step with clients, but said couples shouldn’t feel like they need to have all the answers or do an overwhelming amount of work before reaching out to a photographer.

“Most people getting married are doing it for the first time, and by the time they get engaged, they’re getting a list of about 1,000 questions,” said Dolan, whose studio is based in Manhattan. From flowers to food, music and guest lists, the feeling can be overwhelming. “Asking people to be experts is asking a lot.”

For Dolan, the magic of wedding photography ultimately comes down to trust. If you foster trust, photographers can feel free to use their art in ways that surprise and delight, and hopefully enrich the way you look back on your wedding day.

Simply, he said, “Find a photographer you trust, and then trust them.”