Mariska Hargitay tells how it is a relationship with Brazilian father, who only knew after an adult

In one of the offices on the floor below the coverage of Mariska Hargitay in Manhattan, you can see on the shelf some of the actress’s awards. She won Emmys for playing Olivia Benson, the beloved and tough character of “Law & Order: SVU”, and producing the documentary “I Am Evidence” of 2017, about the accumulation of undiscovered rape kits.

It was here that the actress conceived, edited and even filmed part of her newer and perhaps more transforming project, the documentary “My Mom Jayne”. It is both a blunt portrait of his mother, Jayne Mansfield, Star and Pin-Up of the 1950s who died when Mariska was 3 years old; A tribute to his father, bodybuilder and actor Mickey Hargitay; and an investigation into their own foggy and secret origins.

Driving the movie, which premiered June 27 at HBO, and proclaiming his story unlock something deep to Hargitay, 61. “Now I’m so clear about the truth,” she said. “A big mist has dissipated – a veil in fear. And now I feel a lot alone. It’s like a miracle for me to feel that way.”

“You know, there is so much pain in what is not said. And I just wanted to say,” he added. “I’m not afraid. I can be more Olivia Benson now.”

The documentary turns the lenses to what Hargitay called her “rugged journey” as she unwrapped her story. Almost in real time, she unravels family mysteries and builds a relationship with a mother of whom she has no memory, even if Mansfield’s traumatic end – a fatal car accident that Hargitay and two brothers survived – and frustrated ambitions in Hollywood defined their daughter’s way.

Find out how to be a woman under the eyes of the public; deal with celebrity, industry and motherhood; fight expectations; Facing the shame and liberation that somehow overpassed their interpretation of Olivia Benson and her work as a survivor advocate – all this ended on screen. She made this in a “Law & Order” style narrative that ends with the public revelation that Mickey Hargitay, who died in 2006, is not her biological father.

“Sometimes keeping a secret doesn’t honor anyone,” she says in the documentary.

Hargitay meets Nelson Sardelli, a singer (born in Brazil) whose brief relationship with his mother took to her birth about 30 years ago. But she had never asked him the kind of direct questions she asked in her first interview for the movie. More than a touch of Benson’s severe look appears on the screen when she asks: Why didn’t you recognize me when I was a child?

Benson is the longest character in the longest dramatic prime time series in TV history. Since first appeared in the police drama in 1999, as a detective who is dedicated to seeking justice for victims of sexual violence, women have sought Hargitay to share their own experiences of abuse and aggression.

For many, the character has been a source of strength. That Hargitay’s performance is based on his own shadows is also a bombastic revelation. Last year she revealed that a man raped her when she was in their early age – a fact that took years to recognize, even to herself.

Hargitay didn’t know the truth about her fatherhood until she was an adult. But growing up, she said, “I always knew something was wrong.”

Mansfield, who was only 34 when he died in 1967, had five children of three marriages. The most remarkable husband was Hargitay, an athlete born in Hungary. At their peak, they were an affordable famous couple, often performing together.

Mansfield was a classic musician, spoke four languages ​​and studied acting before his prominent role in Broadway in “Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?”. She repeated him to the 1957 movie and went to some more high -impact roles. But his acting talents were overshadowed by the interest of the entertainment world in his voluptuous figure. It was marketed as a copy of Marilyn Monroe, eventually earning her life with a numbers of sometimes vulgar nightclub.

After Mansfield’s death, his family rarely told casual stories about her, Hargitay said. For the most part, what his father transmitted was that Mansfield “heard the wrong people, and that they tried to shape and do it,” Hargitay said. It completely absorbed this lesson.

“The reason I am the way I am is because I learned from her,” Hargitay said about her mother. “I learned what not to do. I learned not to let anyone tell me – that I decide.”

His desire for steel also came from Mickey Hargitay. “He is the one who taught me about perseverance,” she said.

Her parents had separated before she was conceived, then reconciled when Mansfield was pregnant, and separated again. When her mother died, Mickey Hargitay and his wife, Ellen Siano, raised her, along with her older brothers Mickey Jr. and Zoltan, his biological children with Mansfield. Mansfield’s relationship with Sardelli was public in the 1960s, and some of his brothers were aware of his divided paternity, Hargitay said. But they never discussed that.

She and Sardelli are now close; They spent Father’s Day together, and he cried when Hargitay told him that, in the end, he was grateful for the choices he had made decades ago.

And she still refers to Mickey as her father. Initially, she was concerned that doing the documentary would be to betray him, he said. Then he realized, “This is the greatest thanks. This is to say, ‘I am your daughter.’ I am shouting from the roofs that you are the best father and that I am beloved, and all that is strong, good and moral in me – because of him.”

Among his brothers, Hargitay is the only one who found his career in front of the cameras. “It’s a connection to me,” she said. “That’s what ‘svu’ is – it’s not just a program. It’s a conversation.”

But the intense scripts and the avalanche of stories from other people charged their price. “I had my secondary trauma quota,” she said. She also felt, said, a responsibility to help. He trained to be a rape crisis counselor and, in 2004, began the Joyful Heart Foundation, which supports survivors.

Perhaps more than any other moment in her life, Hargitay feels empowered and free. Her attitude, she told me, “I can’t wait to see what I will do next.”

This was one more thing that joined her with her mother, she realized – the appetite for a big and uncompromising life. “She was amazing,” said Hargitay. “This has been the gift: I could see her. I could have so many moments with her. And we could make a movie together.”