‘Mothers would hang around my neck for help’: What ‘Supernanny’ has seen in 10 years

For about a decade, Cris Poli visited different homes throughout Brazil to help parents in their relationship with their children. In the program “Supernanny”, aired by SBT, she became a constant figure in the imagination of many Brazilian families.

It was not uncommon to hear a mother or father say that they would call the Super Nanny if the child did not obey.

The Brazilian version of the program created on English television was expected to last about a year in Brazil, but due to the success it reached 10 seasons. Even after the end of the unpublished material, the attraction was repeated a few times and is still watched today on YouTube – where it accumulates millions of views.

More than five years after the show ended, the yearning for a “superheroine” to face the problems related to young children remains the same. Cris still receives numerous requests for help and started to give private consultations in a virtual way to families across the country.

For her, an Argentine educator who had never worked in television, the show was a complete life changer. Cris left the service at a bilingual Christian school in São Paulo to take a risk in front of the cameras. The experience is classified by her as positive and a lot of learning.

THE Super Nanny accompanied around 150 families in different parts of the country. There were two weeks in each house, which included observation days and others for applying the method adopted in the program.

In these homes, Cris noticed similar difficulties that she believes persist to this day in many homes. The main problem, assesses the educator, lies with the parents.

“Families were looking for Super Nanny on behalf of the children, but the first and biggest change is in the parents, because if the parents don’t change, the child doesn’t change”, says Cris to BBC News Brasil.

The problems in families

THE Super Nanny arrived at homes after the family signed up through the attraction’s website. At the time there were thousands of requests for help from all over Brazil.

“When I arrived at the houses, it was like the lifeline. People, especially mothers, would hang around my neck, cry and say: come help me, because I don’t know what else to do. So I had a lot of anguish and despair. “, recalls Chris.

“These families signed a contract willing to expose their problems on national television. Which is not easy and gives an idea of ​​the very great degree of despair these people were in”, he comments.

For Cris, there are several similar problems in the families she visited and in so many others. “I had and still have (similar problems): the lack of patience of the parents with their children, problems between the couple that ends up reflecting in the family – living together or apart – and problems related to a lot of work and little time or almost nothing to be with. the children”, says Cris.

“This brings a series of difficulties. At that time it was already a problem and today it is worse, because parents work a lot, always very busy and don’t have time to take care of their children. But this responsibility for the education of children is the parents’ duty, the school is a partner and works together, it has the function of teaching and not educating”, completes the educator.

Another point that she emphasizes is the lack of demonstration of affection in the families. “I never doubted and I don’t doubt that these parents love their children. But that love needs to be externalized. The child needs to know and hear from mom and dad: I love you”, she says.

Through the method of Super Nanny, Cris tried to help resolve the various family conflicts. But to solve any situation, emphasizes the educator, it was essential that parents were willing to actively participate in the children’s lives for as long as possible. In addition, those responsible should continue what they learned during the program.

Supernanny’s guidelines

Like other countries that also bought the format, the Brazilian version of the program Super Nanny, which began to be shown in 2006 by SBT, followed a manual created by the British. Here was the method that should be adopted and the proper way to deal with parents and children.

Over the years, says Cris, some specific changes were made to bring characteristics closer to the Brazilian reality in the conduct of the program. However, the overall content remained the same as the English version.

The “discipline corner”, for example, came from the original format. In this method, which has become popular in Brazilian homes, parents determine which rules their children must follow, such as brushing their teeth after meals or washing their hands before eating.

“These rules are established by the parents and transmitted to the children. If she makes the same mistake three times, you call and say: look, I warned you, you know the rule, so you’ll spend a little time in the corner of the discipline to think. How long does it take? If she is two years old, it takes two minutes. If she is four years old, it takes four minutes…”, details the educator.

“If it goes beyond this time (one minute for each year), the child is not able to elaborate or think about what needs to be taught. It is a pedagogical time. That time is over, go there and say: do you understand why you are here? There is no need to hit or fight, you will talk to the child. And it will be like this until he understands this teaching process”, he adds.

During the program, the Super Nanny creates a routine for the family, points out some rules that can help in everyday life and there is also a board with evaluations, in which the child can earn a point if he is obedient (when reaching a certain score he earns a reward) or lose a point if he does not respect the house rules (this can lead to small punishments).

The method adopted in the program is not unanimous and is pointed out by some experts as an authoritarian way of educating a child. Cris disagrees with these criticisms and argues that the program was positive for the families.

“It’s natural, you have a point of view and there are people who agree or disagree. I accept it, because I don’t have the absolute truth about it. The only thing I can bring as a basis that I’m right in that is the result. with different problems and different histories applied the same principles worked”, Cris counters.

She says that to this day she uses a similar method in her online consultations.

‘He really attacked me’

In defending the measures adopted in the attraction, Cris cites some cases of families she visited during the program.

In one episode, she accompanied two brothers who lived with their mother and maternal grandparents. “The mother worked a lot and these boys were very violent, so much so that I went in there and the oldest, four years old at the time, rejected me, threw things at me and even attacked me. But I was giving them love, playing, doing methods and works with them to express love. In this, the child changed with me. This proves the lack”, he says.

“Parents get stressed and, unfortunately, end up taking it out on children, which makes them violent”, comments the educator.

In another case, Cris accompanied a family in which the mother had great difficulty showing affection.

“This mother had a lot of discipline and schedule with her children, but she had a lot of difficulty expressing herself emotionally because her first daughter had Down syndrome and the lives of her other two children were very demanding,” he says.

“That had to be transformed also by giving love and working with her mother. She cried a lot and talked a lot to me. In the end, everything worked out,” he says.

In another family, the older sister, then 18 years old, took responsibility for the two younger ones after they lost their parents to cancer.

“She was alone with her two brothers and it was a problem because she was not a mother, she was only 18 years old. The brothers did not recognize her authority, so it was a problem of violence, rebellion and disobedience”, recalls the educator.

In one of the programs, years after the premiere, Cris revisited some of the first families she accompanied. She says some continued to follow about 80% of everything the educator taught in the program.

“What I saw in this return is that families that followed the principle of the need for change continued to apply what I took. Families that didn’t understand and went back, that’s ok”, says Cris.

“In the program, I spent two weeks at that family’s house, so it was a moment and an age, but three years later the child is no longer the same age, a lot has changed and it is not possible to remain 100% with what was agreed” , says. She points out that the measures need to be reviewed as the children age.

The ‘Supernanny’ and the current scenario

Even five years after the end of the Brazilian version, Cris still receives numerous requests from the public for the program to return.

The educator, now 76 years old, believes that the attraction is unlikely to return. “I think it was a cycle that can’t go back”, she says.

However, she stresses that if the program returned, it would be essential to adapt to the current reality of the country, due to the covid-19 pandemic and the current scenario of economic crisis.

“The pandemic has hurt the relationship of parents and children a lot. There were many people without work, many people who lost loved ones, there was the conflict of everyone being locked up at home for two years and having to live with each other. working online, when I had work. Children studying online, when I had classes…”, says Cris.

“All this changed the dynamics of the families, apart from the stress of the pandemic itself, due to work, health and the period, for not knowing what was going to happen. It was very traumatic. few”, adds the educator.

In addition, she points out that the current scenario is also impacted by the harsh Brazilian economic crisis: with high unemployment rates, reduced purchasing power and many families struggling to even get the most basic food items.

“I see many children needing attention from parents who are very concerned about working, bringing money home, bringing food and buying basic things. I’m not blaming the parents, but I’m explaining the situation,” he says.

“Parents work a lot and there is no time for children, who stay with their grandparents or in front of the television, computer or cell phone”, completes the educator.

The increase in the time children spend in front of screens is another point she highlights about the changes in recent years. “For parents to be calm, cell phone and computer became the solution”, she points out.

“At that time (of the program), the internet was already a problem, but today it has grown a lot with the availability of cell phones and social networks. Children are placed in front of the cell phone or the internet very early, this is harmful”, he declares.

She comments that the recommendation of experts is that children from 0 to 2 years old do not have any contact with screens.

“The brain is being formed, the neurons are multiplying and the small child is a little sponge and takes everything you put for him. This child needs to play, he needs interactive toys and to be with his parents”, says the educator.

“From the age of two, with control, it can be half an hour a day, that’s up to six or seven years. Then it can increase little by little, but you need to have parental control. The problem is that when you’re in front of the screen, the child is quiet, doesn’t call, doesn’t ask, doesn’t drink, doesn’t eat, doesn’t do anything and doesn’t interfere with the parents’ day (or guardians). So, there has to be control, supervision and a schedule”, he says.

As a consequence of the high exposure to screens, Cris points out, there are difficulties in socializing, disobedience, the child is very quiet and may have communication problems.

Given this economic and social scenario in recent years, Cris believes that the current moment – in which schools have returned to face-to-face and life seems to gradually return to normal – should be a period of fresh start in the relationship between parents and children.

“It is a re-learning process (for parents) to re-assemble the schemes according to the new reality. And parents need to understand that their children need them”, he says.