How to support young adult children with mental health issues

Katie Bradeen, from Colorado Springs, Colorado, began to worry about her 20-year-old son Ryan when he went home for Christmas break in 2020. She said he had a “gray demeanor” and “seemed to be in slow motion”.

Although Ryan was in his sophomore year of college, social distancing and virtual classes during the pandemic have been challenging, especially for a theater student. The winter of 2021 “was even more difficult and excruciating than the fall semester of 2020,” he said.

His mother didn’t think he would accept a face-to-face conversation, so she left a note on his pillow, written on paper with pink hearts. She said she didn’t want to pry but was “available to listen whenever he wanted”.

Ryan said he had been wanting counseling for some time, but in raising the subject his mother made him feel he had her approval. He started therapy in early 2021, and Katie said she already sees the difference: there’s “more laughter and banter, less sulking.”

Many fathers and mothers like Bradeen were already treading the delicate terrain of helping young adults with mental health issues long before Covid-19. But the pandemic has brought greater challenges, putting even more strain on already vulnerable youth.

Data from May 26 to June 7 from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) Home Pulse Survey show that 43.6% of adults aged 18 to 29 experienced symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder in the seven previous days.

The National Center for Health Statistics partnered with the US Census Bureau on the survey questions, which are based on personal accounts and are not a clinical diagnosis; data are weighted to be nationally representative.

The American Psychological Association’s 2020 Stress in America survey found that 34% of 18-23 year olds said their mental health had worsened compared to before the pandemic, a higher number than any other generation.

Risa Garon, a licensed clinical social worker in Silver Spring, Maryland, and executive director of the National Center for Family Resilience, saw in her clinic that the pandemic has caused many young adults to lose “the rhythm of life,” she said.

Even before the health crisis, many young people struggled with large student loan debt, general economic uncertainty and unrealistic expectations of success on social media, according to Garon. Then came Covid-19, and mandatory isolation interrupted friendships and dating.

Things don’t always go as smoothly as they did for Bradeen and his son. Garon said it can be common for adult children to refuse a parent’s suggestion that they need help.

David Palmiter, a professor at Marywood University with a private practice in Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania, and author of “Working Parents, Thriving Families: 10 Strategies That Make a Difference” Portuguese), said that if a parent tries to intervene in the wrong way it can “affect the relationship with the son or daughter”.

But there are effective strategies that can at least open the door for a young adult to get help if parents see signs that he or she is struggling.

If the kids aren’t on site, Palmiter said, parents can schedule a weekly phone or video conference call and hope to establish that connection before broaching the subject of getting help.

Garon said that if parents fear that a young adult may be suicidal or harm others, it is appropriate to act immediately and call 911.

show empathy

Parents should avoid the temptation to lecture, which sounds like criticism and can disrupt communication, said Dr. palmiter.

Instead, he suggested a sequel he called “pain, empathy, question”. He begins by asking questions that help parents understand how the young adult is struggling, with language like, “How’s your mood been lately? You’ve been doing a lot.”

The next step, empathy, can promote more open sharing. If a child complains that his boss yells at him all the time, don’t interfere by trying to solve the problem.

Instead, say, “It’s terrible to go to work and hear screaming when you work hard like you. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Then the parent may raise the issue of seeking support.

If that doesn’t lead the son or daughter to be more open to help, he said, don’t fight it. Just say, “If you change your mind, I’d be happy to partner with you to come up with possible solutions.”

Laura Dollinger of Beaver, Pennsylvania, tried this approach. She began to worry about her daughter Emily’s mental state after two harrowing events: her breakup with her boyfriend in November 2018 and the loss of one of her best friends in a car accident in February 2019.

A grade-1 student Emily, now 19, said she began to “pull people away, sleep a lot, skip classes, and make friends with people who filled their own voids with unhealthy things.” Concerned about her daughter, Dollinger received a recommendation from a good therapist.

“My mom presented it in a non-threatening way; I knew she cared about me and loved me,” said Emily Dollinger.

She accepted the recommendation and said her counselor helped her develop healthy coping skills, which she used to deal with a recent breakup. The difference therapy made “was like night and day,” said Laura, the mother.

Mirean Coleman, clinical manager for the National Association of Social Workers, with a private practice in Washington DC, agrees that normalizing the situation is critical.

Tell your son or daughter that many people struggle with mental health and that it often helps to talk to someone about how they are feeling. “Let them know you’ll be with them every step of the way” and help them get to a better place, she said.

Garon encourages his young adult patients to approach mental health care the same way they would a physical illness. Conveying the message that mental health issues are equally treatable provides a “sense of hope.”

Offer help carefully

If a young adult is willing to seek treatment and can’t afford it, Garon said parents who can help should politely offer to pay.

Garon suggests saying something like, “We want to help. We know payment can be an issue. We don’t want it to be a hindrance.” She said it is also important to respect young adults’ choice of treatment and medication.

The Doctor. Palmiter said that in most circumstances with young adults, “parents should realize that they have limited control.”

That’s what Kelly Kerlin, of Greenwood, Minnesota, came to understand when her daughter Hayley, now 25, started losing a lot of weight in 2015. She thought it was a way to take control of her life.

“I was in an abusive relationship, so I felt like food and my body were two things I had control over, when everything else felt chaotic and overwhelming,” said Hayley Kerlin.

When her mother realized it was an eating disorder and suggested she get treatment, young Kerlin initially refused.

A year later, when she was so exhausted that she could not fulfill her duties working in a restaurant, she checked herself into a residential eating disorder treatment center. Her mother remembers her saying, “I’m too thin. I don’t like the way I look and I don’t want to die.”

Although she didn’t immediately follow her mother’s advice, Hayley Kerlin said that when she sought treatment she felt it helped to have her support.

Seeking treatment is a big step, she said, so parents should continue to encourage, be respectful and “give the young adult space to work through their experiences on their own terms.”

Hayley Kerlin also suggests that parents consider seeking therapy to help deal with these complex situations.

She completed treatment just over three years ago and says she is doing well. She will start a program to earn her Masters in Education in the fall.

Even though seeking help as a young adult can be daunting, she said it’s important not to be afraid to reach out to friends or family so you don’t go through this alone.

“Mental illness tends to thrive in secrecy,” she said. So telling someone “can take a huge weight off your shoulders.” At first she was afraid to seek help, but “it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.”

SERVICE

If you need psychological help, find it at:

Solidarity Support Network

CVV (Life Appreciation Center)

Toll free: 188
www.cvv.org.br

Translated by Luiz Roberto M. Gonçalves