How to heal trauma and grow into adulthood

The first step in the process is to acknowledge it, embrace its existence with self-compassion, and allow it to have space in our adult lives.

Apparently, by accepting this part of ourselves, we can begin to understand more about what negative beliefs stem from our childhood and cause us to react the way we do to certain people or situations.

THE Lila Jineripsychologist specialized in Systemic-Family therapy told us more about this mysterious inner child, about connecting with it and the contact with it can help us in our adult life.

How would you describe the inner child if you had to explain it to someone hearing it for the first time?

The inner child is a side of the self that exists in all people. It is connected to the experiences we had as children, living with our significant others (parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.)

Does the inner child refer to a certain age or period of our childhood?

This side of ourselves encompasses the positive and negative experiences we had as children. It concerns the whole of childhood, although the first experiences are also considered the most decisive, without this meaning that other situations do not affect us at a later time. The sense of security, love, excitement are built in childhood and come to the surface through the situations of adult life.

Is it true that we all have an inner child, but many of us subconsciously cut ties with it as we grow older? Why and how is this connection lost?

The truth is, it is quite common to lose touch with our inner child. Adult life and our beliefs about how we should live it can get in the way of us not experiencing the joy and enjoyment that we would if we had a good connection with our childhood side.

But this can also happen when we are talking about a wounded inner child, where during childhood he has experienced unpleasant experiences. In this case, one can distance himself from his childish side in order to distance himself from the unpleasant feelings that these experiences caused.

What does the inner child have to do with our needs today? Does connecting with our inner child allow us to explore specific aspects of our personality, such as those that resemble the needs and reactions of a child?

Trying to have a good and open communication with the inner child that hides inside, helps in a more quality and pleasant life. A good connection with our needs and feelings helps us gradually discover what pleases us and hurts us too much and how it is connected to childhood memories and incidents.

For example, if a person reacts in an overly unpleasant way to their partner’s rejection, then possibly being denied something may have triggered and reminded them of an old unpleasant experience that they did not cope with as they wanted or felt. unprotected. In this way, the childish uncaring side comes to the surface, and the person feels unpleasant emotions in an exaggerated way.

So, could one say that self-esteem and a nurturing inner child are connected?

The nurturing inner child is associated with a nurturing and secure childhood. I will answer by describing an image: if we plant a seed in soil with vitamins, water as needed and the surrounding environment is favorable and not toxic, then in all probability, the seed will grow. Otherwise, what can one expect to happen?

If now, childhood is not as nurtured as it should be, then one can nurture one’s inner child in adulthood. In other words, to take responsibility for one’s life and happiness and to try in practice to empower oneself, to become independent and to live a life with greater self-confidence and assurance.

I would like you to tell me if there are signs that our inner child has a need. For example can I relate it to people wanting to please everyone or trust issues or a strong need to fill a void?

It is enough to think and answer honestly: “Am I living a life that pleases me?” Do I feel safe and loved in my relationships? Do I feel the stamina and confidence to strive for my dreams?”

Life has its ups and downs. And every person experiences unpleasant and pleasant experiences and emotions, something completely normal.

When one feels that he is often overwhelmed by what happens to him, finds it difficult to manage his emotions and feels permanent insecurity and anxiety, then most likely the inner child and the needs of the person are somehow not heard and are constantly “muted”.

There are some practices such as creativity, contact with children around us, love, memories from our childhood, psychoanalysis that would help us get in touch with the child we hide inside:

Indeed these are some useful practices to have a good contact with the child within us. Especially in relation to creativity, it is very important to practice letting ourselves express ourselves through creative processes, such as painting and generally creating things with our hands.

The goal is expression through creation and not perfection, that is, we don’t have to make something perfectly or as professionals, but to get in touch with the joy and fullness of the process.

Be careful, of course, because some of the ways you suggest may bring us into contact with unpleasant memories, resulting in excessive reactions and unpleasant symptoms, such as stress. For example, a relationship can remind us of the unpleasant relationship we had with our parent and this prevents us from enjoying it as we would like.

When it comes to relationships, do two people’s inner children affect the creation or development of a relationship? Could it also work as couples therapy?

Every person, who makes sure to have good contact with this side of him and tries to prioritize his health and his needs, is able to experience the good elements of a healthy relationship, such as love, security, communication, etc.

What, after all, is the “benefit” of recognizing this child within us?

I recognize the inner child in me, it means getting in touch with my childhood, the experience of pleasure and play. It means recognizing my needs, standing up for myself and protecting myself, setting boundaries and bringing out my good and not-so-good sides, enduring fear, knowing well, my imperfect human nature.

Finally, are there specific treatments or approaches for this connection? How can one connect with their inner child?

I would say that any therapeutic work aimed at learning healthy ways of emotional management, strengthening mental resilience, positive reframing and narrative of unpleasant situations and ultimately mental empowerment and self-confidence somehow benefits the good connection with the inner child that we have in us.

However, approaches that focus heavily on processing traumatic or unpleasant childhood memories, such as EMDR trauma therapy, are likely to benefit and take the client a step further towards healing.

Of course, it is important to emphasize that not all therapeutic approaches are suitable for all people, and it is good to choose the therapist and treatment that best suits your situation and based on how safe and accepted you feel.

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