Humor and lightness of mind can make difficult days easier

Wendi Aarons was writing in a public library when the sound of an angry voice made everyone look up. One patron, outraged by a rule about books, promised to take her son to another library and stormed out after berating staff. The entire room was “very upset,” recalled Aarons, a humorist in Austin, Texas.

“It was just an awful, uncomfortable silence.”

But Aarons, a pro at balancing humor and discomfort, saw a loophole. She got up and said, “‘Hey, does anyone have the phone number for this other library? Because I want to call there and let them know.’

Laughter took over and the mood improved. Things are back to normal. That’s the subtle power of “lightening the mood.”

“Lightness of mind is a mindset,” said Naomi Bagdonas, a Stanford Business School professor who advises executives to lead with humor and humanity. “It’s looking for reasons to be delighted, rather than disappointed, with the world around you.”

Bagdonas joins a chorus of experts who say cultivating a lightness of mind is essential to well-being. Trying to relax can seem challenging in the face of the world situation. A more restrained practice – as mindfulness, which certainly has its advantages – it may seem more appropriate for “these unprecedented times”. But taking things less seriously allows us to “travel more lightly” and “saves the organism and the soul from a very bumpy road”, said Willibald Ruch, professor and researcher of positive psychology at the University of Zurich (Switzerland).

Humor and lightness have physiological benefits

When you’re stressed, your nervous system initiates the “fight or flight” response, causing a cascade of physiological effects: The body releases stress hormones, which cause your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your breathing becomes short and shallow, and your muscles tense.

Sometimes this is useful, like when you’re in immediate danger. But often — like when you’re running late and stuck in traffic — the stress reaction adds unnecessary discomfort to an already unpleasant situation. Over time, chronic stress can negatively affect health.

“Lightness of mind is our primary vehicle for restoring a state of relaxation,” said Emiliana Simon-Thomas, scientific director of the Center for Science for the Greater Good at the University of California at Berkeley. It helps buffer and escape the mental and physical stress that is the source of much of our suffering, she said.

Humor and lightness of mind are related, but the terms are not interchangeable. There are more studies on humor — and other phenomena like laughter, play, fun and joy, Ruch said. But much of the related research falls under the lightness of mind umbrella, he explained. The central element underlying these overlapping experiences is a sense of lightness, as well as an attitude of not taking everything so seriously.

While declaring that “laughter is the best medicine” might be a long shot, a good laugh has powerful effects. There are studies that link laughter to positive changes in heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension.

And plenty of other evidence supports the idea that living lightly can help people feel better. There are small studies that link laughter, humor and fun to greater optimism, a sense of control and satisfaction with life, as well as a decrease in depression, stress and anxiety.

Research also suggests that humor helps us build stronger bonds with each other, with links to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships and at work.

So how to cultivate more lightness?

The idea of ​​”working on lightness of mind” might seem a bit far-fetched. But as with forming any habit, practice helps – and there’s evidence that creating fun experiences on purpose has the same benefits as spontaneous fun.

“The ability to experience fun and lightness is one of the ways people can change,” said Caleb Warren, co-director of the Humor Research Laboratory at the University of Colorado and professor of marketing at the University of Arizona.

Ruch and his colleagues gave participants an eight-week humor training, in which they completed the following tasks in the name of science: watched funnier TV shows, laughed louder or longer than they normally would, identified puns in media and in conversation and made self-deprecating jokes. Humor students reported increased joy and decreased seriousness as a result.

So how do you try this at home without the help of official humor training? Here are some ways to get started.

Look for things that are just a little fun

Looking for things that are “fun” can turn lightness into a chore. Instead, try to realize “what’s true, and a little bit fun,” advised Bagdonas. When your cranky daughter walks into the room, does she look a bit like a drunken little dictator? When you walk past a dog park, do you notice how the whole thing looks like a dog makeout bar?

Sensitizing yourself to these moments prepares you to notice and savor them, said Heather Walker, an organizational psychologist who describes herself as a “serious person in recovery” and runs a workplace consultancy called Lead with Levity. ).

Create a lightness diary

Find time to record your fun experiences. Perhaps on your morning run a man will pass you wearing a Santa Claus costume. On your commute to work, perhaps the train conductor makes a completely unintelligible announcement and you make eye contact with another passenger and laugh. These little moments are top candidates for your journal.

Humor-based interventional studies have found that simply writing down three funny things from your day (or counting them and reviewing the total at night) for a week can reduce symptoms of depression and improve well-being for up to six months.

Read your journal periodically to replay the good feelings and maybe even laugh. “When you’re rereading this, you’re reliving that experience. Your body will benefit,” Walker said.

When something goes “wrong”, try to take it as a joke

The “benign violation” theory of humor says that harmless improprieties have a lot of potential to be funny if you look at them the right way, Warren said. So, whenever you commit or witness an innocuous faux pas — say, forgetting to turn off your mic during a Zoom meeting and letting everyone hear a conversation between you and your cat — it’s an excellent opportunity to have some fun.

Minor mishaps are easy to reframe on the spot, but save the more challenging material for later. Reframing larger breaches is easier in hindsight because time provides the necessary psychological distance to reduce the perception of a threat, Warren said.

A fight with your partner over who should empty the dishwasher, for example, might seem more fun a day or two after the initial flare-up.

Spend time with people who make you laugh

If the idea of ​​keeping a lighthearted journal or laughing at your own misfortunes makes you want to cry, let that lightness of mind bubble up in the company of your loved ones.

Humor and lightness come very naturally when we are with people who put us in a state of joy, said Bagdonas. It is “a fundamental melody of human conversation”.

Know your own sense of humor

If you’re pretty sure you don’t have a single funny bone in your body, then maybe you don’t know your sense of humor. Everyone has one, said Jennifer Aaker, a behavioral scientist and professor of marketing at Stanford’s School of Business. And putting a thinner tip on yours allows you to use it.

She and Bagdonas identified four styles of humor: those that are bold and irreverent; those that are more serious and often self-deprecating; those who use sarcasm – masters of the unexpected joke; and those who are expressive and charismatic comedians.

Understanding your style allows you to notice and appreciate it, and prepares you to be more aware of others’ attempts at humor, inclining you to be more generous with your laughter, Aaker said.

Make humor a main ingredient in your media diet

In addition to promoting lightness of mind, enjoy the easy fruit of good comedy. There are an endless number of TikTok videos, TV shows, writers, and podcasts out there. Why not trade in some of the gruesome crime dramas for content that keeps you entertained?

Aarons recommended following comedians, comics and social media personalities, as well as exploring Netflix for shows that appeal to your particular tastes. “I strongly suggest taking the time to prioritize this,” Aarons said. “Even on really dark days, I try to find something that makes me laugh or smile – even if it’s a silly cat meme.”

Translated by Luiz Roberto M. Gonçalves