Why We Find Some People Boring Even Before We Meet Them

Imagine you are at a party and your friend invites you to meet his cousin Barbara.

To enrich the presentation, the friend brings some basic information. Barbara lives in a small town and works as a data analyst at an insurance agency. And her favorite pastime is watching television.

By now, you might be mumbling at the thought of meeting her – and that reaction can say a lot, both about you and data analysts who enjoy TV.

Recent research indicates that people have many prejudices about the characteristics that form the stereotype of the boring. Like other types of stereotypes, these biases may not be real and objective, but their consequences are extremely negative.

People harshly judge those who fulfill the “boring” stereotypes and consider them less competent and likeable than the average person. They even unfairly withdraw from them in social interactions – before they even open their mouths.

“They are marginalized,” says Wijnand van Tilburg, a psychologist specializing in social experiments at the University of Essex in the UK who conducted the recent research.

These findings may make us all re-examine our conjectures before we meet Barbara at a social gathering.

When we start a date with unduly negative expectations, we can miss out on a conversation that might turn out to be pleasant, while a more open mind could make a friendship blossom. And the survey also offers some tips for improving our own first impression.

surprising research

Van Tilburg’s research is underpinned by more than two decades of scientific interest in experiences with boring people. She has demonstrated that this is one of our most torturous experiences and has profound and surprising influences on our behavior.

In 2014, for example, researchers at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, USA, asked study participants to spend 15 minutes in a sparsely furnished room. Participants were without their cell phones, computers and reading material, but there was a device that gave a small electric shock to anyone who pressed a button.

Despite the obvious pain caused by the device, 18 of the 42 participants decided to test it at least once to break the boredom. It seems that any stimulation, even deliberate physical discomfort, was better than having no interaction with the environment at all.

You might wonder if this reaction was specific to the environment of the experiment, but it has been replicated in other situations. In a later study, participants were forced to watch a monotonous movie that showed the same 85-second scene, repeated for an hour — and many participants preferred to play with an uncomfortable electric shock device when given the opportunity.

These behaviors may seem bizarre. But according to James Danckert, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at the University of Waterloo in Canada, these studies only demonstrate how powerful boredom can be in forcing us to seek out new stimuli – which can have enormous beneficial effects on our daily lives.

According to him, throughout life, we must constantly choose between exhausting the existing situation or exploring other opportunities. And after doing the same behavior for a long time without the corresponding reward, boredom forces us to change activities so we don’t get stuck in that rut.

Danckert’s research demonstrates that feelings of boredom are especially distressing when we are consciously reminded of other possible sources of stimulation that we might be exploring. People find it much more difficult, for example, to sit in a room doing nothing if they are looking at an unfinished puzzle or a table with Lego without permission to touch them.

This might explain why it’s unbearable to be stuck with an annoying person at a party amid the lively conversations all around us. While we are forced to listen to the tiniest details of our new acquaintance’s employment, we are missing the chance to make deeper social connections with someone who would be much more suited to our personality.

In psychological terms, we realize the “opportunity cost” of that conversation.

The boring stereotype

The anguish caused by boredom makes us naturally avoid interactions that are not rewarding.

It turns out that, unfortunately, human beings have the irritating tendency to unfairly prejudge people based on incomplete information. That’s why we often decide that someone is boring before they’ve even had a chance to pique our interest.

In a series of studies published in early 2022, van Tilburg set out to identify the traits that activate this stereotype. And these findings can give us reason to reflect whenever we find ourselves prejudging someone’s personality.

Together with Eric Igou of the University of Limerick in Ireland and Mehr Panjwani of the London School of Economics and Politics, van Tilburg began by asking a group of 115 US residents to describe the qualities most typically associated with boring people.

From these initial responses, the team created lists of 45 personal characteristics, 28 professions, and 19 hobbies. The researchers then asked another group of more than 300 people to rate each of the listed items on a scale from 1 (not boring) to 7 (extremely boring). The results were extremely revealing.

Participants in van Tilburg’s study indicated that typists, accountants, and tax inspectors were considered the most boring professionals. Hobbies considered boring included going to church, watching television and sleeping.

In terms of personality, boring people were considered restricted to a small set of subjects of interest, people with no sense of humor or with strong opinions on any subject. Borings were also thought of as people who complain excessively, complaining about everything.

The team also wanted to understand the consequences of these stereotypes, including their potential to create social isolation. For this, they created several scenarios based on the characteristics researched in previous studies.

One such scenario was the description of the character “Brian”, who worked as a typist in an accounting firm and whose main hobby was watching television – a portrait that perfectly matched the stereotype of the boring. On the other hand, there was “Paul”, a fictional artist who worked for a local newspaper, enjoyed running, reading and gardening, in a combination of personal details generally considered far less boring.

The team then asked participants how much they would like to get to know each character and whether they would try to avoid meeting or talking to them. And he even asked how much money the participants would need to receive to spend a week of their lives with that person.

As would be expected, characters who met the criteria of the boring stereotype were not treated kindly. Generally speaking, people were much less willing to meet Brian than Paul. And to compensate for boredom over an extended period of time, participants responded that they would need about three times as much money.

“They really wanted to be compensated for staying with these people, which indicates that there is some sort of psychological cost,” according to van Tilburg.

If you factor in the studies that show people prefer to feel pain over boredom, it makes sense that you would need some reward to make up for the discomfort and all the other more interesting experiences you could be missing out on.

how to be interesting

We can all learn from this research.

Your thoughtless assumption that people with certain professions or hobbies are inherently boring can prevent you from forming deep and meaningful connections. And, if you’re looking for a partner, your prejudices can keep you from meeting someone who could be the love of your life.

You can find interest and friendship where you least expect it, simply by being a little more open-minded.

And van Tilburg’s research is even worse if you happen to find yourself in one of these situations. But luckily, he has some tips that could help would-be Brians avoid cruel judgments.

The first guideline is to examine whether you can redefine your profession description. Data analyst, at first glance, may seem like a boring profession – but maybe you are contributing to a bigger effort, like scientific research.

Scientists are generally considered to be much less boring than data workers. Therefore, emphasizing the scientific element of your work can help you to dispel people’s prejudice.

If that’s not possible, you can open up about your private life. Remember that boring people are generally considered people with closed minds and few passions.

Almost everyone likes television, and if you list TV as your only hobby, you will inevitably look like an ordinary person.

What are your most specific passions? Activities such as gardening, writing, fishing and sewing are considered relatively positive. And the more examples you give, the better chance you have of finding something in common with the other person. “I think it’s important to show a range of activities,” according to van Tilburg.

Finally, you can study the art of conversation. Matters like your job or hobbies will have very little importance if you can’t create meaningful dialogue.

“Boys talk a lot but have very little to say,” says van Tilburg. Have the freedom to express your own opinions, but make sure you also give the other person the same opportunity to express themselves – and ask lots of questions to bring out what’s inside the other person. In time, your new acquaintance will be able to forget all his prejudices.

And if none of that works, don’t take it so personally. Van Tilburg indicates that people are much more likely to apply negative stereotypes to other people when they feel threatened. By judging you unfairly for your job or hobbies, the person may just be hiding their own insecurities.

Boredom, like beauty, is in the mind of the beholder.