What to do if your family is afraid to refuse to release you

Going out at the right time can be nerve-wracking, and up to 10 times if you’re worried your family won’t take it well.

In a 2021 YouGov poll of 10,175 adults surveyed in eight countries, 16% of Britons believe their children, siblings or relatives are gay, lesbian or bisexual. I found out that I wasn’t sure if I would support it. They were convinced that they would not be supported.

This percentage increased to 29% when close family members came out in trans or binary format.

Polls suggest a majority supports both cases, but these numbers are not low enough to shake off all anxieties about leaving.

Notably, according to data from charity AKT, half of the 161 LGBTQ+ youth experiencing homelessness who completed the survey feared that expressing their LGBTQ+ identity to their families would lead to their being evicted.

So how can people deal with the fear of leaving?

First, consulting board member Loose Parchment says the idea that you need to know every person in your life to be perfect doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone.

He tells us: “It’s important to give yourself the right to go out at the right time.

“It was a common belief that you wouldn’t live your truest self unless you were noticeable to everyone. This idea is harmful and can greatly complicate your speech. It does not take into account individual situations of sexuality.

“Some of the clients I worked with came from repressive family backgrounds which meant embarrassment, courts, punishments and/or expulsions from family and community.

The red flag that your family may not be very aware of the news is how they are talking about LGBTQ+ people and the issue: if they sound critical, is that an open mind?

Ruth, a psychotherapist who specializes in working with LGBTQ+ people, says she needs to “give herself time and space” to manage emotions and thoughts.

“Talking step by step can help,” he adds. You don’t have to bring the whole family, and you can ask people you date not to share your information.

Not only do you spend your time on yourself, but you may also find that it takes very little time for your family to process it.

Rut explains, “This may be the first time the family is hearing the news, so give them time for the communication process.

Clients I’ve worked with have found it helpful to share resources that help families educate themselves about aspects of their identities.

In addition to considering your family’s perspective, you also need to make sure you take care of yourself.

“For many, says Ruth. Speaking is a very emotional experience and causes a lot of anxiety. Before you start speaking, it is advisable to practice and take care of yourself…

“It is better to enter into a conversation calmly than to feel angry, afraid, or tense. Feeling calm allows you to communicate clearly and thoughtfully. Anxiety can lead to a feeling of response and defense. It is sexual and tends to distort the message.

The clients I worked with around the speech helped you keep a journal about their thoughts, feelings, and what they were trying to say about the speech. Writing is a very convenient way to express your thoughts and feelings.

If you have a family with a very negative reaction, it is important to remember that in the end your speech is for you and not for them.

If the program doesn’t run, it may be time to set a new limit.

“It’s annoying when you talk about emotions that seem negative,” Ruth tells us. “If your family has specific thoughts and expectations of you, going out can surprise them.

“Giving them time and space to manage their emotions can be helpful. There are stages of sadness and adaptation that the family can experience and need to overcome.

“Your family’s reaction may change over time. But how you talk is up to you and you can be yourself. Your family is hostile, unacceptable, and neglected. If you remain aware, you may need to set boundaries and find ways to protect yourself, including limiting the amount of time you spend with your family and turning down certain conversations.

“We encourage you to surround yourself with people who approve and accept who you are. We have no choice about the family we were born into, but we can decide who we approach.

Ultimately, it’s your decision whether or not to go out, and it’s important to remember that no one is there.

“How you speak is a personal choice,” Ruth said.

“If it’s dangerous, don’t go out.”