Opinion – Cozinha Bruta: Picanha burger is fraud

I’ve seen a lot of werewolf and headless mule in this life, but I’m still amazed at the impudence of the note that McDonald’s published after being caught in the jump, selling picanha sandwich without picanha:

“The network clarifies that the newly launched platform called Novos McPicanha has that name precisely to provide a new experience to the consumer, by offering unprecedented sandwiches developed with a more pronounced barbecue flavor.”

Platform? The subject is bread and meat, not oil wells. Experience? Although the corporate schmooze churns out new gems every minute, this is a hoax masterpiece.

The Eat with Eyes Instagram profile had access to McDonald’s internal documents. They reported the substitution, in the McPicanha line of sandwiches, of a meat called “PIC” -the first three letters of “picanha”, presumably- with another designated by the code “3:1”.

The fire spread fast, and the net rushed to try to contain it with the ill-fitting note.

Says another incredible excerpt: “The brand regrets that the communication created about the new products may have generated doubts.”

Notice the reason for the lament. It’s not the insidious tactic of deceiving the customer—softer terms fail to describe what happened. It is an alleged communication noise, which places the onus on the receiver of having misunderstood the message.

No apology. Taking the wire off the line.

The brand tried to argue that the presence of a “picanha flavor” sauce justified the name of the hamburger. Didn’t stick. Procon and the Ministry of Justice flew at McDonald’s, which suspended the sale of the ghost picanha and will have to explain itself.

The “picanha flavor” sauce is yet another semantic trap. A “pineapple flavor” soft drink doesn’t need to have pineapple in the composition, just as the “tutti-frutti flavor” gum doesn’t have all the fruits in the recipe.

“Taste” this, “like” that and the like are old industry tricks. It uses the vacuum in the legislation to deceive the consumer with deliberately noisy communication.

Now let’s put McDonald’s and the food industry aside. Let’s talk, in general, about the picanha burger. Do you really believe that someone grinds steak to make a hamburger?

In Brazil, picanha is the most coveted and expensive cut of beef carcass. Each animal yields two pieces that, depending on genetics and handling, can weigh between one and two kilos. There simply isn’t enough picanha to supply hamburgers, fast-food chains and all the barbecues in the nation.

The value of the picanha is in the softness. The hard drumstick, a continuation of the same muscle, has an almost identical flavor. But it is, you see, tough. Once ground, all meats are tender.

Ground, picanha and hard coxão are indistinguishable. There’s no way to prove the scam – that’s the word of the salesman who spins the crooked burger.

Grinding picanha to make hamburgers is stupid. Selling ground beef as if it were picanha is fraud. There is no softer term to define.

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