Attachment anxiety: What it is and how to know if you have it

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The way we behave as adults—in any kind of relationship—serves as an opportunity for reflection and growth.

The way we behave in our relationships is entirely shaped by how we receive love throughout our lives, starting in early childhood. But trauma is just an explanation of how things work, not an excuse.

The way we behave as adults—in any kind of relationship—serves as an opportunity for reflection and growth.

Anxious attachment is rooted in mistrust. Typically, someone with an anxious attachment disorder has fears of abandonment and/or experienced many inconsistencies in the care and love they received as a child. Think unreliable, absent parents or caregivers. Attachment anxiety manifests itself in the form of irrational jealousy, mistrust, codependent tendencies, nervousness, and an inordinate need to be with the other.

You are constantly stressed

If high anxiety seems to be the main constant in your relationship, anxious attachment may be co-existing. Every time your partner’s phone rings, do you feel suspicious and tense? This is a common feeling in anxious attachment relationships where one partner does not feel they have the trust of the other to move comfortably.

You feel the fear of abandonment

If you’re constantly thinking that your partner might leave you/get bored/start wondering if there’s someone better than you out there, that’s a clear sign of attachment anxiety. A relationship is like a contract – an agreement that two people have made with each other. Unless you have agreed something different between you. If you don’t believe in this “deal”, then you are afraid @ your partner will leave you without or with warning.

You need constant reassurance

Affirmation is a way for someone to show you care, but when it becomes necessary and urgent, then it may be overstepping its healthy boundaries. There is no ideal time, place and amount for affirmation of love, but if your need is constant then you should probably take a closer look.

Do you have a hard time being alone?

If being alone or not having constant contact with your loved one is confusing, it’s a sign of attachment anxiety. Of course, and it’s reassuring to know where the other person is in general. But this is for security reasons. This need of yours can be suffocating for the other person and prevents trust and security from developing in the relationship.

You are often in abusive relationships

Perhaps because you were witness to an unhealthy relationship or you yourself suffered from unreliable care as a child, you may eventually gravitate towards these types of relationships as an adult.

If you are troubled by your behavior in a relationship or if you find it difficult to manage feelings similar to the above, a specialist will significantly help you to free yourself from these patterns and acquire healthy relationships.

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