Antetokounbos’ wife talks about the battle with postpartum depression: “I learned to watch out for my mental health”

I’m not saying my experience to praise me. I share it because I want to use my step in the hope of helping someone else who may be fighting with his mental health. Although my story focuses on postpartum depression, I hope you can read it and adapt it to anything you might go through.

Four kids then you would think I have solved everything, but I don’t. Nothing can prepare you to become a mother or, in my case, a mother of four. At a time when birth was the most painful thing my body has endured, the battle with mental health has also proven to be a challenge. I went through the postpartum depression with our first child, but I was not really ready for what would come at that time.

Stress started before I even give birth. Although I had no symptoms, my mind was somewhat convinced that I had a terminal disease that would prevent me from seeing my children grow up. The panic attacks have deteriorated and my internet confidence as a diagnostic medium sent me on dark paths.

I was blessed with a healthy baby. The first few weeks of adapting to a newborn and three older children were fun, but as chaotic as you can imagine. Our fourth child is the sweetest little angel I’ve ever seen. It fits perfectly into our crazy little bubble. Her smiles bring me joy.

But whether it was the end of the happy honeymoon month or the vast changes that were taking place in my family, my mental health took a turn and dark thoughts came back. I closed everyone and everything out. The messages were left in the “read”. For phone calls … forget it.

I found consolation in isolation of myself and hiding what was really happening. Like every mother, I did the best I could do for my children and my husband. Looking back, relying on my family was the one that really kept me up.

I was not myself, I was showing up and cared about my family, but my mind was not present. It is a scary and lonely feeling to be spiritually somewhere else. I love my people but I didn’t want to burden them. I felt that if I was open it would be selfish.

I was convinced that just additional weight to people who were already carrying their own. So, for several months, I hid my pain and tears. Although I still fight, now I have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sharing my experience is a step in my therapeutic course. It is one of the first times I have admitted the silent battles I have fought, but that honestly seems liberating. I am not the one I used to be, but I am on the way to be the one who is meant to be.

What did I learn about this period? I have learned to be vulnerable to the people who love me and that I do not have to be afraid to be a weight, whatever they may pass. Pain is pain and anything that is weight in your heart counts.

I learned that I should not do it all on my own and that it is okay to ask for help. I have learned that I have to pay attention to my mental health because it is just as important, if not more important, than physical.

At last I understand that I have to prioritize myself, without guilt, so that I can become the best husband, mother, daughter, sister and girlfriend I can. If my story has an impact on you, please know that you are not alone. There are people in your corner, maybe some that you may not even know.