Wrong is the way you set and defend your boundaries. It is not that you are doing something wrong. You just have the tendency to put others above you
Do you belong to category of people, which remains benign? Do you try to say no and you do not succeed? Or maybe you set limits, but no one respects them?
If so, you are obviously doing something wrong. And this mistake is a way of setting and defending your boundaries. It is not that you are doing something wrong. You just have the tendency to put others above you.
And that is bad. Because the limits come in to protect you. To be “safe” and not become of others. They protect you and safeguard your mental health. They keep away from would-be exploiters, those who do not value you and take you for granted.
In general, then, the limits signal how far one is allowed to “go”. They are red lines what is okay and what is not, what is allowed and what is not.
However, there are times when even if you have tried to set limits, you have not been able to impose them. And that’s a problem, because you’re moving into one “Gray” zonewhere there is still the risk of being hurt and betrayed.
The 5 common mistakes:
The “people pleasing” phenomenon
If you are a guy who finds pleasure in satisfying others, you have a very big problem.
Even if you have set limits, you often cancel or “sweeten” them just so as not to spoil hearts. However, this is extra aggravating for you. You constantly make concessions, to the detriment of yourself and you give plenty of space for others to take advantage of you.
So try not to be so good to others. Insist on your limits and do not take a step back.
Think that with these concessions you are hurting others as well. You get used to them in a pattern of behavior, which they will do elsewhere, somewhere that may not pass. And there will be consequences.
The tone
Having limits and not breaking them is one part. The other, is the tone and style, with which you set them.
It is a common phenomenon to cancel your limits, because you do not express them in the right way. Communicate them in the form of a statement, calmly and not in the form of a question.
By that, of course, we do not mean to be rude and aggressive. On the contrary, you can be polite but express the non-negotiation of your limits.
The consequences
Violation of the limits also has consequences. You should also notify them. That is, the one who will push your limits should be aware that there will be consequences. And that this is non-negotiable.
If you back off, if you say it does not matter, you create a rift in yourself. And this rift is dangerous, because it can lead to the collapse of your firewalls, your boundaries.
Do not be afraid to be misunderstood. After all, as the saying goes “half your shame, half his”.
The premonition
Many times you understand that something is wrong, that something is wrong, out of a premonition. In other words, you feel, somewhat uncomfortable, as if you suddenly have a weight.
So this is a sign that something is going against your wishes. It is like an alarm, which warns you that your limits have been violated.
So do not ignore this feeling. It is like turning off the alarm in your house while the thieves are still inside.
The gluing
However, there are times when you have to step over your limits a bit. There are some conditions, some cases that you have to be flexible with them.
Of course, this does not mean that you will cancel them forever. Simply, for once and under special circumstances, you will need to do a little back.
However, you should make it clear that this is for once and that this retreat is temporary.
Limits are not a matter of austerity. It is a matter of self-preservation and self-respect.
