Parents are encouraged to build a good relationship with their children by using explanations and options instead of shouting, comparing, or using rewards and punishments.
A good and healthy relationship with children is vital both for the first years and for their later life (and ours).
Parents are encouraged to build a good relationship with their children by using explanations and options instead of shouting, comparing, or using rewards and punishments.
It is an approach known as positive parenting, a method that is praised because in any difficult situation, which may have had punishment as a solution, it gives alternatives with a positive attitude.
But precisely because every difficult situation the parent must find a way to deal with it positively, positive parenting has its own difficulties and challenges.
The framework of positive parenting has existed since the 1920s (then called “positive discipline”), which was introduced to the United States by Austrian psychiatrists Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. But it was widely recognized in the 1990s, when the American psychologist Martin Seligman brought the field of positive psychology to the forefront of international interest.
When applied to the upbringing of children, this philosophy encourages parents to give more positive than negative feedback, instead of focusing on their children’s misbehavior.
However, some argue that continued positivity can ultimately negatively affect the child. The American journalist Barbara Ehrenreich, in a book that examines the phenomenon, called it an ideological force that “encourages us to deny reality, to happily submit to misfortune and to blame only ourselves for our fate.”
Experts even argue that all emotions serve important functions and it is important to recognize them.
Positive emotions are essential for building relationships, but negative emotions are also useful and have always been essential for human survival. When people – including parents – feel that they are not allowed to share negative emotions, it can be detrimental to their mental health.
While experts believe that positive parenting can be a great tool for raising well-adjusted, happy children, projecting consistent positivity may not be realistic.
In any case, no matter how much you believe and apply positive parenting, at some point you may not manage a situation positively. And that’s okay too. And human.
In fact, constantly reminding parents that failing to stay calm and optimistic at all times can lead to negative consequences for their children later in life is very likely counterproductive.
With that in mind, perhaps instead of using positive psychology only on our children, we should try to use it on each other as well.
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