“Poverty brings moaning”, say the wise people in Greece, although there are certainly many exceptions. But also “money does not bring happiness”, as another saying goes, not to mention that it can cause new, unprecedented problems. But what happens in prosperous Germany, at a time when inflation reaches double-digit rates and many families count their money twice and three times before making a serious consumer expenditure?

According to a recent survey on behalf of dating site ElitePartner (which claims to target mostly college-educated, higher-income men and women), 11.4% of respondents say there is “an issue” or “there was an issue” in their relationship with economic poverty, resulting in tensions. At least one in four say they “can’t get by” without an extra income from their significant other.

“There is no magic recipe”

Women in particular, especially women with children, resent being financially dependent on men. This is apparently because women are often forced to give up their own career aspirations to devote themselves to family, while most men take it for granted that their careers continue, with or without children.

When deprivation causes tensions, “emotions and passion subside or lose the importance they once had,” Michael Marie, a marriage and relationship counselor, told the German News Agency (dpa). In this case there is no “magic recipe” to support a couple and save the relationship, each couple must find their own balance. “As a rule, I don’t give specific advice,” he says. “I try to accompany the couple and support them, spreading a protective net in a difficult situation.”

Michael Marry believes that in many relationships money remains “taboo” and estimates that around one in ten of those who seek his advice face a financial impasse. Some even rush to turn to a lawyer instead of a marriage counselor, launching divorce proceedings without a second thought.

“Together they don’t do and apart they can’t”

Eva Becker, a lawyer specializing in family law based in Berlin, confirms this fact. But he says another problem can arise along the way: the couple becomes emotionally estranged, but cannot “afford” the divorce financially, because each cannot finance their own, separate household. So they are both forced to remain “strangers in the same house” and this often happens in Berlin, where rents have risen dramatically in recent years.

“Since the war in Ukraine started, since the energy crisis started and the constant rise in inflation, the problem has worsened,” says Eva Becker. This is especially true for low- and middle-income earners who are wondering how they might meet the costs of a divorce. Which are not just limited to an extra rent, but often include alimony for the former other half and child support. Simply put, says the experienced lawyer, it’s like your expenses are doubling while your income remains stagnant.

So far there is no reliable answer to the question of whether economic poverty actually reduces the number of divorces. However, a first look at the statistics shows that 142,800 divorces will be recorded in Germany in 2021, a number reduced by 0.7% compared to 2020. From 2012 until today, a steady decrease has been observed every year, with the exception of 2019.

Psychologist and relationship counselor Daniela Bernhard sees the issue from her perspective and points out that there are actually many causes that can contribute to alienation and separation: “Over time many factors accumulate and at some point you can’t just ignore or swallow what bothers you,” he points out. So here comes the last straw, and indeed, due to the circumstances, at this time, increased prices are often the last straw. “But that’s not the real cause,” says Daniela Bernhardt. “That’s why the relationship isn’t going to automatically improve when prices start to come down…”