Whether it’s a match on Tinder or a person you met at a party a few days ago or even a flirtation at the office, in any case, falling in love is an intense experience, both physical and emotional.

In many cases, the physical symptoms we have been taught to associate with love such as a racing heart, feeling like butterflies in our stomach, etc. they are not actually side effects of love. Instead, psychologists say these sensations may be warning signs from the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) – or more specifically, the response fight or flight of your body when it is in overdrive.

Whether it’s a match on Tinder or a person you met at a party a few days ago or even a flirtation at the office, in any case, falling in love is an intense experience, both physical and emotional.

In many cases, the physical symptoms we have been taught to associate with love such as a racing heart, feeling like butterflies in our stomach, etc. they are not actually side effects of love. Instead, psychologists say these sensations may be warning signs from the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) – or more specifically, your body’s “fight or flight” response when it’s on overload.

The fight-or-flight response is triggered when our body senses danger is coming and is meant to help us survive life-threatening situations, explains Eleni Adamopoulou, mental health consultant, specialist in relational psychoanalytic psychotherapy. This response is controlled by our sympathetic nervous system, which also manages our heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and other basic body functions.

The sequence is as follows: When the sympathetic nervous system is activated, the body releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, increases your heart rate, increases blood flow to muscles, dilates the pupils of the eyes, and affects digestive function. You may have already heard that thousands of years ago, this reaction gave humans the energy and ability to escape from hungry lions or other imminent, life-threatening dangers.

Today, most of life’s everyday threats don’t involve lions and bears. They appear more subtly and manifest themselves in the form of laconic messages in our DMs or in the last ten minutes before going on the first date. Experts claim that the body responds to these stressors in the same way it would if a carnivorous creature were standing a few meters away.

Why is this happening; We still have the same body and biological functions we had 10,000 years ago. Some people’s autonomic nervous systems are mistakenly activated even if they are not in real danger and end up experiencing the same symptoms as if they were. False activations which, according to experts, are particularly likely in cases of trauma. The fact is, sometimes you feel like you’ve swallowed butterflies and your palms are sweating and shaking just because you got a text from your crush, it’s just because your nervous system is messed up.

So how can you tell if your anxiety is a false alarm or a red flag when you’re dating?

While the more primitive part of our brain may not be able to assess whether something is truly dangerous, the prefrontal cortex is equipped to find out. If you experience trembling hands, an upset stomach, or other symptoms that you associate with particularly stressful situations, experts recommend that you take a few minutes to yourself and think quickly about the situation.

Start by asking yourself: Beyond the symptoms I’m experiencing right now, is there any evidence that I’m physically and/or emotionally unsafe—or could I be soon? Is the “fear” realistic? Does it really have to do with the other person? If the answer is yes, you can calmly break up the date and take deep breaths to find yourself somewhere where you can feel calm again.

If the answer is no, ask yourself: Is this situation triggering something from the past? It’s common for people to feel insecure—and for their bodies to tell them they’re not safe—when in reality what they’re feeling is a reminder of a potential rejection or hurtful experience. If the answer is no, then you may be feeling insecure because, in fact, you are.

In the meantime, if the answer to the question that connects your terror to your past experiences is yes, then you should probably remind yourself that relationships often seem scary, but they can also bring wonderful moments. Don’t forget that every person who enters our lives is unique. So are relationships unique.

What to do when there is a false alarm

In situations where you believe you are in danger, you should do everything you can to protect yourself. Depending on where you are, who you are with and what constitutes a danger, you can call the Immediate Action, send a distress signal from your mobile phone or ask for help from a passerby or a store nearby.

In cases where you think your body is giving you wrong signals take some time, take deep breaths, drop your pulse that way and the nervous system will get the message that you are fine. If you are alone at home give your body the movement it needs, it may seem funny to you but a few minutes of jogging on the spot or a few jumps in the air will move your body just the way it needs to be.

Also, a cold shower will activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes feelings of safety and relaxation. If these symptoms appear when you are on a date, take the golden rule: communication. Never underestimate the power of telling someone you’re embarrassed. It’s not a confession, it’s a conversation starter and it shows that you can invest emotionally in this date.

You remain a person who has met another person, and don’t be surprised if your date admits that he feels as if he has swallowed all the butterflies that escaped from you. Many times things can be much simpler and we create the complexity ourselves.

Many thanks to Eleni Adamopoulou, mental health consultant, BSc (Hons) Psychology Science, Relational Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy (ISOPS), Member International Association for Relational Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy (IARPP), Member American Group Psychotherapy Association (AGPA), Alsous 31, Glyfada @adamopoulou_el_psy

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