People have always tried to get lucky in love. But the internet and especially mobiles have revolutionized the way we look for partners.

According to Berlin-based psychologist and dating expert Pia Kambitz, online dating has become essential in many countries today, especially for the younger generation. “A 2023 survey found that 77% of 16- to 29-year-olds and 66% of 30- to 49-year-olds have dated someone they met online. In addition, most couples today essentially meet online.”

One such case is that of 31-year-old Brazilian Giovanna Zanforlin and her partner Juliana. As Giovanna says, “online dating is often superficial but it’s also quite practical. You don’t have to go somewhere to meet someone. And you immediately know what his sexual orientation is.”

The algorithm is decisive

Dating through popular apps like Tinder, Bumble or Grindr usually works like this: users create a profile with photos and some personal information and write what they are looking for. An algorithm then puts them in touch with other users based on their location, preferences and interests.

Tinder offers one such type of online dating. Users can swipe the suggested profiles on the screen to the left to reject them or to the right when they like the suggested user. Thus, interested parties decide within seconds which profile they like.

When it became known a few years ago that Tinder’s algorithm applied the so-called “elo score”, promoting the most “attractive” users, there was a huge backlash.

“You’re selling yourself like a product on the shelf”

Spaniard Alfonso Rosales García, who has been living in Berlin for two years and uses the dating app Hinge, also criticizes how superficial dating apps are: “It’s funny, sometimes you feel like you have to sell yourself like a product on a shelf store”. The 29-year-old also points to another paradox of dating apps: the better the app works, the faster it loses customers. “Providers want to make a profit from the lives of the people they meet on the app. That’s why they show more users who pay more.” Dating apps usually offer superficial and non-committal dating.Image: Andreas Franke/picture alliance

Like Alfonso, many are frustrated by certain aspects of online dating. Pia Kambitz agrees, but thinks it’s a mistake to look for flaws only in the apps: “How users use the apps and what they do with their new acquaintances is up to them. And precisely here are often the reasons for disappointment: users accept dozens of profiles, for example, and then complain that their acquaintances are superficial and non-binding.”

However, dating apps have other disadvantages. Like other social media, it carries the risk of addiction. Some people can’t stop looking through the various suggested profiles. The mere prospect of a new mate brings a strong dose of dopamine to the brain.

Mental health risks?

Also, the infinite options can become extremely tiring for the user, who becomes “overloaded”, losing his attention and patience more and more from acquaintance to acquaintance.

Several studies also show that dating apps can cause stress, dissatisfaction, or worsen mental health problems. Elias Abujaounde, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University, studied the cases of 1,300 Tinder users and how satisfied they are with the application.

In the findings of his research, he states that “online dating seems to be an ineffective solution for people facing problems with their mental health”. As someone who has dealt with problematic internet use for 15 years, she parallels Tinder with other social media, which can exacerbate depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Correct use of the application is key

Users themselves can avoid unhealthy use of the app. Kambitz emphasizes that one must be aware of what exactly one is looking for. Users should also take the time to review the proposed profiles and remember that behind every profile is a human being with feelings. If they themselves are “rejected” or receive few likes, it is important to remember that “it is not a person who is “rejected” as a person, but only the small part of himself that he has revealed on the Internet”.

The many doors that online dating opens up can be overwhelming, in both positive and negative ways. And in the end the conscious use of the apps can be the deciding factor in whether one finds a truly suitable partner or just a waste of time.