Like taking your clothes off in front of an audience. Or even harder: Like hearing a secret of yours revealed to that same audience, an audience that ultimately becomes an extension of yourself. How much strength, trust and courage does this take?

However, it will not happen to everyone, but to those few, who, with effort, patience and effort, will finally win this privilege.

  • Intimacy takes time and is an honor for those who experience it together

It is definitely an honor to be trusted with something personal. He takes out a piece of his soul and rests it on you. Unfortunately, not everyone behaves with the corresponding responsibility in these cases. Sometimes, some fly and trample this part, betray it.

That’s when the walls of suspicion go up. You get hurt and decide not to let anyone make you feel that way again. And yet, we cannot live alone, “drowning” in our secrets. We need each other. We need to share intimacy. Its achievement, however, is a marathon: It requires time and patience.

Intimacy can exist in any type of personal relationship, from friendship and family to romance and even business. Shared values ​​and experiences and feelings create this connection, which ultimately leads to intimacy.

It means, after all, different things to different people and can be expressed in many ways.

  • Emotional intimacy it is the one that allows you to share with your loved ones personal things, which you would not confide in anyone. As you learn to trust someone, you feel safe enough to gradually let down your walls.
  • Spiritual intimacy it has more to do with the interplay of shared values ​​and ideas about life and the world. It is created as you exchange ideas and enjoy meaningful conversations.
  • Physical intimacy it refers to all the ways in which connection can be expressed through physical movements, such as a touch, a hug, and even sex.
  • Experiential intimacy you build by spending quality time with someone and getting closer to them through shared interests and activities. There’s something magical about the way you bond with someone because you support the same team or like the same show.

However, for the prospect of intimacy to exist, there are 7 basic criteria that must be met:

  • Confidence

There is no intimacy without the building of trust between two people. Opening your soul and sharing parts of yourself, gaining intimacy with someone, requires that you trust them. In fact, trust and intimacy go hand in hand.

  • Sincerity

The previous two are inextricably linked with one more element and this is none other than honesty. If you want to get close to someone, you have to reveal the real parts of your soul. No “mask” can bring intimacy. Even if you believe you built it with lies, it will soon crumble like a castle in the sand.

  • Acceptance

How will you feel intimacy with someone if you feel like they don’t accept you for who you really are? Acceptance is a key and inalienable component of a relationship that builds intimacy.

  • Security

Like dots joining a line, all these concepts are interrelated and prerequisite for intimacy. Trust, honesty and acceptance mean that there is also a sense of security in the relationship with another person: You expose a sensitive part of yourself to a person who you feel will not betray you, but will guard that part of you as to be his. It’s what we call “your secrets are safe here”.

  • Compassion

It’s great to feel cared for. You know your besties will be there in a difficult time and there isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t exchange at least one message with your siblings. Intimacy is created in relationships with people who care about you, stand by you and take care of you in any way they can. Forgiveness and understanding can only exist through compassion, which is a natural component of caring for one another’s well-being.

  • Affection

Compassion also has a practical and physical way to express itself and that is through affection. A hug or a caress is sometimes enough to heal wounds and create an environment of safety in which you can let go and feel familiar.

  • Contact

There is a reason that good communication is considered key to a healthy relationship. When you’re trying to tell someone what you’re feeling or what’s bothering you, it’s important to feel like they’re actually listening and trying to support or help you. Thus, a strong system of mutual understanding and mutual support is created between you, which ultimately leads to intimacy.

  • Intimacy benefits you in ways you never imagined

And you’ll say to me: Why risk getting so close to someone if you risk getting hurt? And yet, this intimacy created in personal relationships benefits mental and physical health in ways that nothing else can. Deep companionship helps combat loneliness, improves mental health, reduces stress and boosts good mood through the release of hormones, triggered by emotional displays such as a hug or laughter. It can even strengthen your immunity, reduce blood pressure, but also the risk of heart disease. It is, therefore, a key building block for a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.

  • How to overcome the fear of intimacy

Most of us are afraid to get close to someone and feel intimate with them, for fear that they might get hurt. To take a step forward and overcome your insecurities, try the following:

Name the problem and recognize the symptoms You may be afraid of intimacy and not even realize it. It may not yet be clear what has caused you to view the prospect of intimacy with such suspicion. Observe your behavior and reactions in your interactions with others and identify the symptoms. Once you recognize a pattern, you’ll be able to take more targeted action to address the problem.

  • Know your limits

Your reticence may be due to a serious traumatic event in your life, so no one can blame you for it. It is important to identify what triggers your fear and set clear limits on behaviors that bother you and you want to exclude from your life.

  • Communicate your feelings

It’s hard to build trust with someone who doesn’t even know you’re having a hard time. Be open and honest about how you feel, explain why, and let him know you’re working on it. In this way, you will also help the other person to adjust their behavior appropriately and perhaps, in this way, you will more easily reach the desired goal.

  • Get professional help

Everyone can benefit from the help of a mental health professional. Psychotherapy must finally stop being taboo and considered a service for the few. A specialist will help you to take steps that you would not have identified without his assistance and thus move more quickly and effectively towards dealing with your traumas and building stronger and more meaningful relationships.