Holidays are traditionally characterized by family coziness. Tradition calls for the family to gather around a large table to celebrate and spend some time together.

Often, this table includes not only the close core of a family, but also more distant relatives who may not have seen you for a long time. Fatefully, therefore, a rain of comments and questions arises: “Are you working somewhere now?”, “Are you married?”, “When are you going to have any children?”, “Like you gained a few pounds.” You listen to everything stoically and patiently, while deep down you want to shout: “Stop! Mind your own business”.

And because I know very well how tiring this is and how much of the pleasure they take away from you, I am happy to inform you that there is a way to deal with the phenomenon of “gossip relatives” once and for all, in a polite and at the same time effective way and to get rid of it once and for all.

SELF gathered expert opinions on how to handle relatives and their feedback. What they say is really interesting and you can get ideas:

  • The scourge of “good” comments

“You look great! Have you lost weight?’, ‘This outfit makes you look slimmer’, ‘You’ve put on a bit of weight’ are some of the phrases you’re likely to hear, especially from someone you’ve been seeing for a while. However well-intentioned they may be, these phrases are rather embarrassing to you and you’d rather be gone. “You can show that you recognize that the intent of the comment was positive while also setting your own boundaries,” says Amber Stevens, licensed psychologist and clinical director of the Galia Collaborative. According to her, the best response in this case is one that acknowledges the intent, but cuts off further discussion.

  • Do not agree to participate in gossip about others

Even if your own body is not the topic of discussion at this year’s gathering, it can be commented on how someone else has changed. And this habit is not “innocent” at all.

“It’s important to help spread the idea that all bodies change over time, that this is a normal phenomenon and that’s exactly why there’s no point in pointing out these changes. At the same time, we should highlight that such comments are problematic”, says Dr. Stevens. “I also recommend encouraging people to focus on other, more important features.”

For example, you could answer: “All bodies change over time for various reasons, just like yours and mine. Personally, though, I was so impressed by her brilliance. Did you notice how he puts everyone at ease with such ease?’

  • No one will tell you how much to eat. Enjoy!

Food plays a leading role in these circumstances. And usually, it’s anything but healthy and light. And right there, over the appetizers and delicacies, will be the relatives who (instead of looking at their messes) are eager to comment on your plate: How full you are, how are you going to eat all this, maybe you shouldn’t eat so much others like that.

“People have different comfort levels with confrontation, especially on a holiday occasion,” says Leah Tsui, registered dietitian and owner of Limitless Nutrition. She suggests responding with a touch of irony, saying, for example, “Thanks for letting me know about the calories!” and continue to enjoy your food. If you don’t want scathing answers, you can just say, “Yes, it’s high in calories and I enjoy every bite.” If you prefer to put someone straight in their place, you can say, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make comments about what I’m eating.” “Give the answer that makes you feel good,” says Tsui.

  • You don’t have to try the whole buffet to avoid misunderstanding

In the Greek family, there is a tendency for mom or grandma, regardless of your age, to grab the plate and fill it with all the delicacies available. Often, there is also the idea that you are insulting the host if you don’t try every dish on the table. As nice as it is to be taken care of, set your limits, take your plate and fill it as much as you want. Politely refuse options that don’t suit you and don’t force yourself to eat until you’re full.

“Depending on the relationship you have with the person pushing you, you can choose between a variety of responses,” says Kate Regan, nutritionist and owner of Wholesome Chick Nutrition. If it’s a typical relationship, try something like, “I agree that everything is delicious! I’m full, though, for now.” If it’s someone you’re comfortable with, explain to them that you’re learning to listen to your body and its needs and respond accordingly. “My body right now is telling me I’m full. I’ve enjoyed every bite and I’ll be back for more whenever I’m ready@’ is a good and complete answer.

  • Treat the comments with humor

“Are you really going to eat all that?”, someone will say, seeing the plate you’ve filled. “No, hey, I’m just bored of cooking, so I’m going to put them in a taper, to have for the house,” you can reply with a good dose of humor. Don’t reveal yourself, though. Let the other person think that you might even mean it!

“Each person’s relationship with food, personality, and comfort level with the people involved is different,” says nutritionist Katy Gaston. “Since this is a sneaky comment to begin with, I suggest a more cheeky response like ‘Maybe I’ll eat it, maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll have to wait and find out, right?’ In any case, remember that you are not obliged to justify to anyone how much or what you eat,” she adds.

  • No need to follow exercise from regrets

It’s great to be active and stick to a consistent exercise routine, even during the holidays. Especially if you spend most of a holiday in front of a table eating, you may feel the need to move. But you don’t have to feel obligated to exercise because you ate more than usual, and you don’t have to “obey” comments like, “We should go for a run after all that food!”.

“If you don’t want to engage or open up a larger conversation, you can always answer these types of questions with a simple yes or no,” says Samantha Barash, registered dietitian and owner of Tap Into Nutrition. “Both are complete sentences and you never owe anyone an explanation as to what the ‘why’ is behind them.” If you’re not interested in taking part or prefer to decide at the last minute, say, “I’ll see how I feel tomorrow and act accordingly.”