Some friendships don’t last forever. It’s a phrase so true. It can hurt or stress you, of course it can also leave you coldly indifferent.

But why do we want everything to be forever? Why are we so opposed to the idea of ​​forgetting and not just living in the moment? Maybe we are so scared of the lack of control that we fight for everything to be “forever”. Surely at some point in your life, you will have fallen victim to trying to keep a friendship “forever” even if it shouldn’t or wasn’t meant for you.

So let’s get used to the idea that one day our beloved friendship may become a distant memory. A friendship that might have been perfect for the version of ourselves we lived through. One of the greatest things in life is that our character changes. We can grow, change and evolve, but that doesn’t happen if everything else around us stays the same.

When friendship fades

When friendship fades you feel it. At first you may not accept it, deny it, but inside you feel that this friendship is not what it used to be. You don’t have the same enthusiasm, little things start to bother you and you feel like you don’t fit in as much as you used to. You don’t have the same desire to go out and the jokes no longer end in laughter until tears.

And you’re looking to find out who’s to blame. It is no one’s fault if devotion and interest have been lost. Life just happens and we don’t all tune in to the same station. Each of us has had different childhoods, has lived another life before us and has different dreams and goals than us. Life moves on, our character changes (and this is only positive) and we demand different things from those around us. We no longer match with people we matched with in our school or college years. And we may not even fit in with those we hung out with a year ago.

Disclaimer: Of course, we are not talking about friendships that end due to lack of trust, due to misunderstandings or betrayal. Not even for friends who only remember you when they have no one to date, never support you and look down on you.

How to end this friendship that no longer fulfills you

One would say that there are two ways to end this friendship that no longer fulfills you. It’s quite hard, especially if this feeling that the friendship should end prevails only on one side. It’s a breakup, and announcing it is one of the hardest things in relationships.

One option is to talk directly to the other person – orally or in writing – about your feelings. Try to explain the situation with respect and sensitivity. If you feel that things are going to go astray, you don’t need to talk about the reasons why you think this friendship can’t go any further. Accept the feelings of the other side. Anger, distress, wonder, resentment, betrayal. Try to set boundaries so that the other side doesn’t think they can convince you to change your mind.

On the other hand, gradual removal is the most common version. It includes fewer going out, contacts and plans together and limited communication even through text messages.

If your girlfriend depends on you for something, like emotional support, you can help her find it elsewhere so you don’t feel remorse. Sure, you don’t have to, but you could do it out of courtesy. For example, encourage her to see a psychologist.

Phasing out is like a spectrum. At one end there is no “fading” and you just cut your friend out of the blue, with no explanation. You stop responding to messages and act distant. It’s more like an awkward breakup. The opposite is when you very slowly, imperceptibly “wean” him from you.

Nowadays, the other end of the spectrum, is often when you do Unfriend or Unfollow on Social Media. However, some people don’t delete their ex-boyfriends, to maintain the illusion that they are still in a “relationship”, they just don’t talk as much as they used to. Sometimes, phasing out may not be used to end a friendship, but to downgrade it from a relationship that is close and attached to a more casual relationship.

Don’t be sad about friendships that ended. They were there for as long as they lasted and you learned some very important lessons. And if you happen upon the ones that will last forever, keep them, they are gold!