“I just got back from a date. Two hours of my life and no questions for me,” reveals a frustrated TikToker, her voice revealing the bitterness of a first-timer. “If I may say something about the guy? Many. Maybe more than his psychologist”.

She’s not the only one. Social media is awash with videos like this – the question on everyone’s lips right now seems to be, “Why don’t men ask women anything on dates?” Men show no real interest in getting to know the women they date. Instead, they launch into relentless monologues.

“I once went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me a single question until 11 at night. Finally, at one point, with a mouth full of chips, he threw in a ‘So, what are you doing?'”Rosie Stewart from London tells the Independent.

And these are just a few of the stories that lie in the shadow of a one-sided relationship in modern dating.

But how did this miscommunication become so widespread?

Experts point out that the transformation in the nature of dating is largely influenced by dating apps, which have turned romantic interactions into a kind of performance, with people feeling the pressure to ‘sell’ themselves in the best possible way , just as they would with a product. This tendency seems to prioritize self-promotion over true communication.

Men seem to approach dating like a job interview, treating it as an opportunity to prove their worth rather than pursuing genuine connection. Many singles, in fact, have admitted that they use LinkedIn to find love, not work. In other words, men are so busy trying to “sell” themselves that they forget to ask and learn about the person in front of them.

“We don’t give each other time to engage in real dialogue”, says Dr. Sandra L Faulkner, relationship and communication expert. Faulkner argues that the problem was exacerbated by confinement during the pandemic: “I think the pandemic has reduced some of our skills. Online chats and text conversations are different from face-to-face conversations.

We need to regain interest in each other’s stories and learn to listen and ask questions. In the absence of that, I think we’re going back to outdated gender roles where women have to be quiet and submissive and men have to be in charge of everything. This is definitely not the way to a fruitful relationship”.

Of course, male dominance in the debate predates technology. Stereotypical gender norms are still propagated. “Women are seen as nice and pleasant, which often means they are not assertive. Men, on the other hand, are taught to be commanding and to take the reins.”says Faulkner, adding that this is particularly evident in romantic interactions, which act as a kind of microcosm of the wider gender dynamic.

Author Grace Flynn, for her part, suspects that men’s lack of curiosity may be a symptom of a deeper, darker cause. “I went on a few dates with a man who talked a lot but asked few questions,” she says.

At first, she didn’t notice that he wasn’t asking her much about herself. But by the third date, he began to suspect that he wasn’t interested in getting to know her, but was rather driven by the fact that she “visually met his standards,” acting as a canvas upon which he could project a fantasy. “Why would a man ask you questions if the answers jeopardize the version he has built up in his head of you?” Flynn wonders.

Faulkner concludes by pointing out that as we navigate this “unprecedented era of dating” and take a step back to reevaluate our communication approaches and social structures, we may pave the way for more meaningful connections. “Learn to ask questions and listen to the people around you,” she suggests.