Images of a large, happy family casually eating and laughing around the festive table flood television sets every Christmas and create expectations – although practically we all know that family tables are much more… difficult.

In fact, family gatherings can be accompanied by more insidious behavior, such as gaslighting – a method of psychological manipulation in which the abuser tries to sow doubt in the victim so that they are unsure of their own memory, perception and logic of.

So how can you spot these behaviors and deal with them so you can enjoy the holidays more calmly?

What is family gaslighting?

Gaslighting is manifested by words or behaviors that challenge your reality, often in an insidious way.

For example, one parent it can criticizes your choices under the guise of wanting to “help you improve”. For example: “If you listened to my advice, your life would be much simpler.”

Or the seemingly well-intentioned comments they may be hiding one crisis: “Maybe you should see someone to learn how to better manage your relationships.” These messages create a feeling of insecurity and doubt.

The gaslighting, according to the Washington Postmay also be overt aggressive and intimidating.

For example, your dad might say, “Stop pretending you don’t know what a disaster your life choices have been. How many times do you have to be reminded of all the mistakes you’ve made?’

Recognize the signs and set boundaries

Although you cannot control the actions of others, you can choose how you react to them. Identify behaviors that make you doubt yourself. If a comment seems unfair or makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s important to realize it.

Learn to say no or to redirect a conversation when it becomes oppressive.

A simple phrase like “I’d rather not talk about it right now” might be enough.