Do we grow up believing that “we should never give up” or that “the one who resigns is a failure”? Is it that our parents or teachers used resignation as a negative factor? Is it the society that connects the strong and the successful with those who never give up? Maybe it’s all together.
I also felt this “resin” of resignation recently, when I decided to leave a job, which was seemingly perfect. But it certainly was not perfect for me, when I realized that during the break I was crying in the toilets and I did not want to talk to anyone when Sunday came when I was terrified that I would have to go there again the next day.
So when I realized that my mental health was in danger, and my physical health would not be late, I decided to leave, to resign. Did I do it with a light heart? No. I did it because I had an alternative plan and I did not care? No. Little by little I made this decision knowing the risk. I knew I might not find a job soon enough, that I would be stressed and that I might regret it. But when I weighed things, it was very clear to me what I had to do. And you know something? I’m very OK with that.
However, what I realized was that others were not okay with my decision. When I said I had resigned, they looked at me with a suspicious look and treated me with disbelief. It was as if it was a shame to quit your job, because you suffered so much. And always, but they always judged my decision as hasty and immature and seemed to be anxious about my own future. And now what; they always asked me, as if I had asked them to live me.
Well, yes, you have the right to leave somewhere when you think it’s not good for you. And this applies to everything. For your work, for your home, for your partner. You have the right to give them up. Leaving something behind you does not mean the end but the beginning. The beginning for something else. For something new, for something that suits you and fills you more.
But why do we really feel remorse when we give up? Why do we feel that we are doing something wrong, when in fact the opposite is happening?
The answer is fear. Whether it is the fear of the unknown, or the fear of criticism, or the fear of separation, the cause is the same and has an official name: Sunk Call Fallacy. This situation concerns our tendency to make irrational or wrong decisions, because we are influenced by our inner need to stay true to our primary commitment. In other words, because we are emotional beings, we remain in a condition that is harmful to us, simply because we have invested in it and feel morally committed to it.
For example, let’s say he buys tickets for a concert, which you can not return because you booked at the last minute. But come on, you are sick at the last minute and it is impossible to go. So at that moment you are thinking about the money you are losing. And that’s why you decide to go, even if you suck. In other words, you sacrifice the quality of your output, because you feel obliged (and charged) to go.
This condition also applies to our personal relationships. Really think about it, if you have ever been in a relationship because you have been together for a long time and you do not want to waste any more time. In other words, you have already invested in this relationship, so it is difficult for you to break free. But this sense of obligation is exactly what should make you leave. The truth is, we humans are naturally beings of habit.
The security and stability that such a situation provides us – even if it does not benefit us – is always paramount, precisely because of our fear of change. Change means upset. And upset brings insecurity.
On the other hand, there is the fear of being described as failed, lazy, vain. After all, today what plays a very important role is what others think of us, rather than what we think of ourselves.
But is it time to make yourself a little happier? And if the opinion of others matters to you, then rest assured that those who love you and care more about you will care if you are well, rather than leaving behind a brilliant career. And if they are still very few, you want to have these people in your life.
Also, linking resignation to failure is a big mistake. Working hard and striving to achieve your dreams and goals does not mean that once you have achieved them you will be stuck in them, because you just tried hard. Equally, you have to reprogram yourself and move on to others.
Changing your mind and choosing to follow something else is your right and it is absolutely respected. Why in the end who will judge you, if not you? And what will you answer to yourself, when you do your account and find that you are not happy, because you were simply afraid to take the next step, you were afraid to divorce, you were afraid to give up?
Remember that timeless cliché, that it is better to regret things you did, than things you did not dare to do.
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