More than half of Brazilian mothers feel guilt in motherhood, says study

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A survey revealed that 51% of Brazilian mothers feel guilt in motherhood. They feel guilty about the babies, because they think they could do more for them, and because they want to go back to the life before the children were born.

The study also showed that the feeling of guilt is even more intense in single mothers. Among the interviewees, 45% indicated this as a feeling they identify with.

Mothers from all family backgrounds also say they feel judged. Asked whether or not they agreed with the phrase “I feel judged as a mother”, 42% responded that they agreed with the sentence.

The data is part of the “Real Parenting” survey carried out by the On The Go institute and commissioned by Huggies. The study, which included 1,010 mothers and fathers aged 25 to 40 from all over Brazil, was carried out in February this year.

For Ana Carolina de Oliveira Queiroz, a perinatal psychologist specializing in parenting, guilt is caused by several factors. “There’s the question of how this woman idealized her own motherhood”, she comments. “But there is also a social factor.”

The construction of the image of the mother as a warrior and superhero creates an unrealistic expectation of what motherhood is and dehumanizes women, says Queiroz, who is also a scholar of maternal social causes.

The study also addresses the biggest concerns of families regarding their children. Education (84%) and health (82%) are the main concerns of parents in all family settings. Safety and food appear next in 74% and 72% of responses, respectively.

Inclusion is also a concern. When asked about education, the most relevant topics for parents were racism (73%), diversity (63%) and religion (62%).

Angie Cunha, 38, became a single mother when her daughter, now 8, was just 8 months old. The divorce made her take responsibility for raising the girl.

“I blamed myself a lot for my father’s abandonment, I felt less like a mother for that”, she says. Cunha also comments that she feels judged all the time, mainly because she didn’t choose a good father.

Between January and June 2022, more than 87,000 children were registered without their father’s name, according to the Civil Registry Transparency Portal. In the entire year of 2021, there were more than 163,000 children, about 6% of the total number of births.

For makeup artist Nathalia Camilo, 27, guilt is also related to paternity. She has a 3-year-old daughter and says she has already questioned whether the estrangement between the father and the child was not her fault.

Prejudice is one of the biggest anxieties of the makeup artist, who is afraid of her daughter going through situations of racism and bullying. According to the study, single mothers are the ones most concerned about prejudice.

“Mainly because she is a black child, every day I have a concern”, says the makeup artist.

When she became pregnant, her family moved away. She was also not supported by her daughter’s father and had a risky pregnancy due to having developed a urinary tract infection. During this period, her main support network was friends.

Camilo’s mother did not welcome her daughter’s pregnancy, but today she gets along with the child and, according to the makeup artist, is the biggest source of support she has to be able to study, work and take care of the girl.

Like her, 43% of single mothers report needing family help to care for their children. For biparental couples, 46% say that the main help is the partners themselves.

The survey also indicates that just over half of single mothers, 56% of them, received some support during pregnancy. When it comes to mothers of all family configurations, 59% say that the partners were present throughout the pregnancy.

According to the psychologist Queiroz, the lack of support causes single mothers to suffer from the so-called maternal overload – when all domestic and child-rearing responsibilities fall on the mother. This overload causes fatigue, disinterest, lack of energy and hopelessness, which can lead to burnout and depression.

The expert notes, however, that the same effects can occur with women from two-parent families where the partners do not actively participate in the care of the children.

The health of mothers also impacts children. For Alessandra Almeida, psychologist and counselor of the Federal Council of Psychology, the healthy development of the child and the creation of the maternal affective bond depend on the mother’s well-being, which can only be achieved if there is a network that supports this woman.

“To feel responsible for the development, for the transformation, for the growth of a human being is something incredible, it just needs you to be emotionally available”, said Almeida.

According to the counselor, who is also a master of interdisciplinary studies on women, gender and feminism, it is not possible to raise a child without help. However, she points out that a woman should not be expected to need a man to have a child.

For her, this network should be composed of public policies such as improving day care centers, better preparation of family courts and creation of professional qualification programs for mothers, in addition to emotional support groups, whether in the family, among friends or with other single mothers. .

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