Sex doesn’t make you fat, it relaxes and it’s still a free activity for couples. Still, who in a long-term relationship has never been lazy and preferred to rest a little rather than have sex when they had a little free time?
In order not to miss out on the benefits of practice and marital intimacy, however, experts recommend that partners be pragmatic and set aside time in their schedule for sexual intercourse.
According to psychologist and sexologist Camila Kurdian, 27, sex by appointment is necessary and healthy for couples with many demands such as work and children.
“The couple needs to at least know when is a good time for sexual intercourse: it could be a Saturday, a weekend, a night when they arrive early from work,” he says.
According to the expert, there is only a problem when they confuse planning sex with an inflexible commitment. “To have desire, libido, we need to desire that sexual relationship. Often when the couple just puts it on the agenda and knows it’s going to happen, but they don’t make an effort to generate this eroticism”, says Kurdian.
Going to bed with an appointment, but without commitment, can even work for some time, however, it will inevitably generate withdrawal and can even worsen emotional problems and sexual dysfunctions, says the psychologist.
“Marking the relationship has to be accompanied by eroticism on a daily basis. Nothing fancy, it’s small little things that need attention and priority”, points out Kurdian.
These continuous foreplay throughout the week range from a longer kiss, a sincere conversation about what the other likes, a massage, taking a bath together or just cuddling without ending up in bed.
“All this generates intimacy and anticipation of sexual intercourse so that when the time of the agenda arrives, this couple is already minimally intimate and wanting each other”, says the psychologist.
The medical sexologist Débora Fernandes Britto agrees that scheduling an appointment can help, but also reinforces that it is necessary to understand the objectives of this type of option so that the experience of erotic intimacy and sexuality is favored.
“It’s not a matter of simply scheduling a sexual act with an appointment, but actually including in this couple’s life schedule a quality time to experience conjugal intimacy, a time to be together, for each other”, highlights Britto. .
The doctor Albert Nilo, 42, professor at UFMG (Federal University of Minas Gerais), however, says that the loss of spontaneity can generate anxiety and anguish for some people.
“Sex is life, but we need to be aware of the limits [de cada um]. When couples and patients report loss of libido, we try to understand why there was this loss,” says Nilo.
The monotony of the relationship, the hormonal problems of age, the excess of stress and work and even the idealization of the moments are items that, for the doctor, need to be observed individually for an adequate treatment. In these cases, professional therapeutic follow-up can help.
In addition, although sex improves people’s psychological health, according to psychologist Camila Kurdian, when it occurs out of obligation, it can worsen lack of libido. “Many women over 40, as they are already in very long marriages, even have sex, but it is a relationship without eroticism. And this can generate a frustrated woman, with sexual dysfunction, who does not feel desired”, she says.
Household and childcare demands, which still tend to fall on them, also affect the balance of marital sex and desire.
“Why do we assign these obligations to women? They often have a professional life as dense as their partner. Inequality in the division of labor can overwhelm women and interfere with their availability both to think about sex and to have the physical energy to live the sexual act with delivery and satisfaction. Maybe it’s not just lack of time”, reinforces the professional.
Débora Fernandes Britto highlights that even the famous “quickie” can lose its shine if it doesn’t meet the interests of both.
“If a woman demands a longer time of emotional investment and erotic stimulation to feel aroused and connected, it may not be so interesting for her. And it can even bring feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction”, warns the sexologist.
For Brito, investing in self-knowledge and in aligning expectations and limits helps to expand his repertoire.
“Sexuality is a dimension of life and having a satisfying sex life can reinforce positive feelings of self-esteem. The demand to experience affection [para] beyond sex can reinforce feelings of emotional connection and intimacy”, concludes the doctor.
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