Understand what it’s like to be demisexual, sexual orientation of singer Iza

In participation in the podcast “Quem Pode, Pod”, the singer Iza said to be demisexual. Sexual orientation, little known, consists of having sexual relations only with those who have emotional connections.

“It takes me a long time to want to have sex with someone. I think only if I have some connection with the person. I had sex once and I was like ‘my God, I was violated, invaded’, with that feeling of ‘why did I do that?’. It took me a while to understand that had nothing to do with the boy, but with me”, said the singer.

Demisexuals like Iza fall within the spectrum of asexuality (the “A” for LGBTQIA+). This indicates the lack of partial, conditional or total sexual attraction to other people – and despite not having the desire to have sex, there is nothing that prevents a person from having relationships, feeling pleasure or having libido, for example.

In the case of demisexuals, the situation is conditioning: if they establish a strong affective bond with another person, they feel physical attraction and have a sexual relationship, says sexologist Priscila Junqueira.

The professional reinforces that this lack of attraction should not be confused with the absence of desire.

“When it is dysfunction, hypoactive desire, which affects both men and women, it needs to be looked at and taken care of. In asexuality, there is simply no such sexual attraction for the other, and demisexuality is within the spectrum. There will be sexual attraction, yes, but for someone who emotionally involved”, says Junqueira.

There are other subcategories of asexuality, such as aromantic, who feel neither sexual nor romantic attraction; the demyromantic, who feels affective attraction only with strong emotional ties; the romantic, who may feel romantic attraction and may be homosexual, heterosexual, or pansexual; and, finally, the lesser-known, gray-a, who experiences occasional sexual attraction but doesn’t need a strong bond.

A psychologist for 20 years and co-founder of Ipser (Instituto de Psicologia e Sexologia Essência Rara), Junqueira says that all these categories help people better understand who they really are.

“What happens is that people can’t even name and feel outside a group, without understanding each other without knowing each other”, says the sexologist.

The consequence is that a normal condition ends up generating anxiety and worry. “This takes us back to the need to talk about sexuality, to have an education in sexuality. Because with this knowledge, it is already possible to have this nomination and the person can appropriate what is part of their identity, if they accept”, he declares. .

Event producer Jeanine Adler, 27, was joking about her lack of attraction to other people, until she identified with the definition of demisexual she saw on a blog.

“The bond of the demisexual is not necessarily liking. It can be affective, romantic, intellectual, I’ve seen it happen. For me, it has to be very strong to generate attraction. I dated four people and felt with only one”, he says.

Adler came to think there was something wrong with her, but the identification of demisexuality took a weight off her back.

“I had already suffered a lot without knowing what it was, I felt relieved, I felt more comfortable and fully validated”, says the producer.