“When I was diagnosed with BPD, I thought I would never have healthy relationships.”
That’s how 21-year-old Mae felt when she learned earlier this year that she has borderline personality disorder (BPD) — and it’s a sentiment shared on social media by many others with the same diagnosis.
In English-speaking countries, videos with the hashtag #bpdisorder have accumulated more than 500,000 views to date on TikTok. It’s people sharing their own experiences, sometimes with an injection of humor, and a recurring theme that comes up is heartbreak and toxic relationships.
BPD is becoming increasingly visible on social media, and Liana Romaniuk, a child psychiatrist and professor at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland, thinks this is partly because young people view the diagnosis differently than previous generations. .
“Some young people I work with ask me, ‘Can I have TPL?’ I think there’s a growing awareness,” says Romaniuk.
Borderline personality disorder is a mental health problem that causes emotional instability and can affect how people manage their moods and interact with others. It is believed to affect about one in 100 people.
Many people with BPD experienced childhood trauma or neglect, which can make relationships difficult as adults. Romaniuk points out that “trauma” doesn’t have to mean something horrible or abusive — it could be a result, for example, of parents separating, being emotionally distant, or the death of one of them at a young age.
Unfortunately, there can be a stigma attached to being diagnosed with TPL. Romaniuk explains, “Many doctors believed in the past that TPL was untreatable or that people were being manipulative. Fortunately, that is not the opinion of anyone I work with at the moment.”
There is also an “ongoing debate” in professional circles, says Romaniuk, about whether BPD is indeed a personality disorder or a reaction to past trauma.
“I don’t like the term ‘personality disorder,'” she says. “It sounds like you’re saying there’s something fundamentally wrong with [a pessoa], and this is not the case. I think of it more in terms of survivors, they are adaptors.”
obsession in relationships
Mae started researching TPL because she noticed that she was becoming “obsessive” and anxious in relationships.
“I realized that my symptoms were much stronger and more dysfunctional when I was in a relationship,” she says, diagnosed in March 2021.
“I get obsessive quickly. I’ll constantly want to call or text, and I’ll isolate myself from other friends. I drop hobbies and dedicate all my time to this person.”
Simple things for those who don’t have BPD can take on huge proportions for those living with the disorder.
“One time, I was at a friend’s apartment when I got a text from her boyfriend and his tone really freaked me out. I literally grabbed all my stuff and said, ‘I have to go,’ and I ran to his apartment 15 minutes away .”
“I was having a full-blown panic attack. Turns out everything was fine, so I went back to my friend’s house. It must have been really bizarre for her, but I wouldn’t have been able to sit down and talk because the panic would continue to build.”
Fear of abandonment can also manifest as hostility.
“In the last few weeks of my last relationship, I was breaking up with my ex, saying he would leave a few times and being very spiteful,” says Mae.
“So when he finally broke up with me, I was absolutely devastated, I called him crying, begging him to come back. The end of the relationship was directly related to my TPL.”
Since her diagnosis, Mae began treatment called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which is a type of talk therapy for people who have trouble regulating their emotions. She also started taking antidepressants.
“I’m feeling a lot more positive,” she says. “When I was first diagnosed it felt like a death sentence, and it would for the rest of my life, but TCD is showing me a way out.”
It’s important to note that not everyone diagnosed with BPD will behave the same way, says Romaniuk: “You can’t make an assessment of an entire group of people based on three letters.”
TPL symptoms or abusive behavior?
Partners of people with BPD can sometimes find it difficult too – although many with the condition can build healthy relationships.
This was not the case for Ellen*.
The 32-year-old woman dated a man diagnosed with BPD last year. “I don’t know how things could have turned out differently if he didn’t have TPL,” she says. “I think I excused a lot of abusive behavior because I thought maybe that was part of the condition.”
Ellen explains that her ex-partner “made me feel guilty” for leaving him alone, to the point where she started coming home from work early.
“If we had any sort of disagreement, he stopped talking to me,” he adds. “I made a lot of concessions thinking it was TPL. He started leaving me every three days. He would leave in the middle of the night, then come back and tell me I was the love of his life.”
She says some of his behavior was abusive. But is this a fair label for people with the disease?
“This is a really important question that goes to the heart of who we are as human beings,” says child psychiatrist Romaniuk.
“Having TPL, you’re still yourself. It might predispose you to respond in certain ways, but I think there’s still a level of accountability for what you do at any given time. Most of the time, the behavior isn’t manipulative, but sometimes it can be.”
Most of the time though, the behavior comes from fear of abandonment.
“From what other people with TPL have told me, there’s a tendency to push before being pushed,” says Romaniuk.
“You can come up with reasons to end a relationship or create tests to make sure your partner is really there for you. That’s subconscious. It’s not overt manipulation. From your brain’s survival point of view, it’s always better to be on your guard and wait for what happens.” worst.”
She encourages “honest talk” between partners if a person has BPD, but also advises people without the condition to “not neglect your well-being too.”
Romaniuk also points out that every person with BPD is different, and the label does not predispose anyone to a specific set of behaviors.
“Some of the loveliest, dynamic and most interesting people I know have TPL,” he concludes.
*Some names have been changed
This article was originally produced in English to the BBC Three.
This text was originally published here.
I have over 8 years of experience in the news industry. I have worked for various news websites and have also written for a few news agencies. I mostly cover healthcare news, but I am also interested in other topics such as politics, business, and entertainment. In my free time, I enjoy writing fiction and spending time with my family and friends.
