Frustration strikes for countless reasons. We expect others to behave in a certain way or success in all our plans, but it usually doesn’t happen that way.

When we feel disappointed, as “El Pais” writes in an article, we must look for the cause in the way our mind works and how we create expectations without even realizing it.

Expectations are mental projections, which many times do not match the reality we live in, a reality that does not conform to our desires or fantasies. Our mind uses them as a powerful mechanism to escape from certain situations: dreams for the future, goals, resolutions for the new year or the hopes with which we start a new romantic relationship. However, expectations are also the main cause of our frequent disappointment.

No matter how much we want to have more money and no matter how hard we work to get it, there will always be external factors beyond our control that will get in the way of achieving it. It makes us feel uncomfortable when expectations don’t match our desires: other people don’t behave as we would like, we don’t get the recognition we seek, etc.

To avoid disappointment and enjoy what happens to us, we need to change our focus. We must stop walking by expectations and cultivate our intention.

While expectations look outward, toward results, intentions are oriented toward ourselves and what we can achieve. The satisfaction we get is different if, instead of hoping for good weather on the day of a celebration, we set our intention to have fun – regardless of the weather.

Our feelings will also be different if, instead of waiting for a person to change in order to make us feel good, we set our intention to understand the other person and not be affected by their reactions. With this last approach, we will feel stronger and learn more.

Expectations look to the future, to desires or wishes. The intention, however, is all present. It focuses on the resources we have and puts energy into what we have in our hands. Furthermore, any sustainable change over time, whether it’s transforming something about ourselves or a particular situation, is more powerful if we replace expectations with intentions that lead us to action.

In fact, much of the disappointments and difficulties that arise in personal relationships are due to the world of expectations. We have invented a reality in our mind that does not match what is really happening, we get upset and think that the other person is the problem. However, when we are oriented toward intention, we seek our own responsibility, find what we can learn, and don’t fall into the tiresome world of complaining.

The expectations we place on ourselves also come at a high cost. We expect our bodies to act a certain way in all circumstances or to be quick and smart in complex situations. But we are what we are.

Sometimes we can be brilliant – other times, very clumsy. If we make this constant demand on ourselves, we suffer too, because we do not live up to what our imagination has assumed. Therefore, freeing ourselves from expectations and focusing on intention frees us from impossible and unnecessary demands.

We can cultivate the intention to be kind, to learn from every problem we face, without focusing on the end result. When we shift our focus, we avoid the silent trap that prevents us from enjoying being who we are and continuing to grow.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” To this we could add: “while focusing on expectations, instead of what we are and already have. In our intention…”.