How to deal with shame, according to experts

I hope wisdom grows with age and you know that what people think of you is none of your business.

But there is no reason to wait years to accept yourself. You just need to learn to shake off the bondage of shame. Here comes Laura Belbin’s new book, No Shame.

“We are not born with shame, we are fed by what we see and hear,” he says. “Since this is a learned behavior, self-awareness is not available to anyone.

We need to make it grow, and it starts with learning to seek self-esteem and external verification. [influences]..

The starting point is not to worry too much about the thoughts of others.

“When we think of the word shame, it doesn’t evoke positive feelings,” says Belbin, 38, who lives with her husband and two children in Gosport, Hampshire. She makes you feel ashamed, scared, ashamed and alone.

“It is this weakness within you that rounds your toes, and the moment you look at it over and over in your heart it can make you feel very alone and lonely. Nothing is more devastating than it feels.”

She has a male audience online, but her main concern is the empowerment of women. That’s why she wrote Sin vergüenza with women in mind.

“I was frustrated with teenagers and 20-somethings who wanted to be like everyone else wants to be me, but I never tried to be that person for myself. It was,” she says.

“And now, thanks to social media, there are certain ways and there are high expectations that you don’t think it’s good enough. I also have women in 2022 because of who we are. I’m disappointed and angry that I’m fighting for equality.” equal pay is accepted by society.

In August 2020, Belvin published the first book, Knee Deep In Life, inspired by the Facebook and Instagram accounts of the same name, which mocked social media expectations. However, in 2021 she suffered an accident during the lockdown.

“It was so devastating that I had to reevaluate everything and take the baby step back to life,” she suffered from anxiety and in the book she had sex as a child. Belbin claims to have been sexually abused, she says.

“It’s wrong and it’s devastating that he felt shame and fear,” says Belbin, who turned to a trauma psychologist for help.

“It was the hardest catchphrase of my life,” she wrote in No Shame. “I cried every session and refused to discuss some things, because they seemed to be stuck inside me, like weird sticky glue. But today, he added, “I feel some peace in myself.”

Feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and failure are human nature. Getting rid of them starts with a small step.

“For now, I can admit the feelings are there, but don’t let me define the feelings for the rest of the day. If something good happens, celebrate the fact that he deserves it. We’re not. We’re very good at cheering people on.” women to celebrate their success,” says Belvin.

“I spent a lot of time thinking about what I needed to be safe, protected and loved. And when I feel down, I wonder what I need,” he says. It’s just that a small part of our life seems to be overwhelmed, and when we start to get rid of it whatever it is, it makes room for the best. For me, it’s yoga, weight lifting, baking, and walking. “

“There are people around me who love me so much that I can absolutely trust them. These are the people who nurture, validate, and encourage you in your experience. The biggest part of this book is who you are. Find out what you want, accept what you want.” It’s okay, and believe in yourself.

Shame by Laura Belbin (Ebury Spotlight) is not currently in Waterstones ..

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