Dinner has a dinosaur parade, children in an outbreak and strip club prices in SP

The trip to the interactive show “Jurassic Safari Experience”, in the middle of Easter Sunday, ends a trilogy of children’s boredom in the company of Pedro, my nine-year-old son and assistant. Before that, we went to the Jurassic Park Burger Restaurant and a dinner service show involving ETs called “Aliens Experience”.

This Jurassic safari brings the two together.

In a tent set up in the parking lot of Shopping VillaLobos, in the west of São Paulo, dinosaurs parade between tables occupied by children who oscillate between terror and bursts of euphoria. Accompanying adults can order food and drinks from a menu downloaded to their cell phones via QR code.

When I bought the ticket online, I immediately understood that it was the same troupe responsible for the alien event, whose food was expensive, greasy and made with industrialized products, such as frozen nuggets and orange cheddar-flavored paste.

Not with me, guitar. Not again. I chose the 5pm session. He would taste the food out of professional duty, but he could have something delicious for dinner later.

Despite the unusual time for a “dining experience”, about half of the tables were occupied. The sound system invites everyone to photograph and film the show – and tag the event’s profile on social media, so they can repost.

The voice also advises ordering starters and drinks before the start of the show, leaving the main course for later. That’s what I did.

I open the phone’s screen and go to the entrees section, which only offers fries and nuggets. I had already had a problem with the nuggets (R$38), so I opt for the potato (R$30), “dry and crispy, you can’t go wrong!”, in the menu description.

And beer, of course, at R$18 a long neck. The price is for a strip club or airport, but a parent also needs a reptilian Easter distraction.

“Do you want to order now?” asks the app. Yes please. “You don’t have enough credit.” How? Has the dinosaur robot been searching for my CPF on Serasa? I make a Pix, and the fries arrive on the table in a thing or two, amazing.

As I suspected, it was industrial frozen potato. Interestingly, some sticks were quite hot, while most were almost at room temperature. This happens when a huge amount of food is prepared in advance, in several batches that are mixed later.

Amidst the waiters, a guy appears in the same uniform as them – hat, shirt and shorts, all in khaki canvas – speaking into a microphone attached to his head. He is the only human character in the story, a very simple plot.

The subject identified himself as Mike, a paleontologist who invented a time machine capable of bringing back extinct dinosaurs. The “machine” is a door at the back of the tent, from which the dinosaurs come out – in fact, rubber costumes occupied by one or two people, depending on the size of the animal.

The plot unfolds more or less like a parade of misses. With each opening of the door, a different species walks the walkway –Triceratopsstegosaurus and even the dreaded tyrannosaurus rex–, while master of ceremonies Mike recites the characteristics of the lizard in question.

Children like and accompany the leader. Time to put my crankiness aside and pay attention to Pedrão.

He runs, bangs on the table, screams and pretends to be a statue to elude a half-dazed dinosaur that only recognizes prey when they move. The actor controls the ecstatic children well – at least three times, he stresses that they should not hit the dinosaurs. Some little ones cry in fear.

As the puppy bounces and bounces, I order him the main course. Pedro chose gnocchi bolognese (R$ 59), as the hamburger from the aliens show had not pleased him. The dish arrives while he’s holding a parasaurolophus or something by the tail.

I take advantage of your absence to taste the gnocchi. Unsurprisingly, it looks like a mall food court dish, with compact pasta and tomato sauce with the acidity corrected in the sugar base and very little meat.

Pedro returns to the table and disappears again. Also add the food. The dinos walkway is child-free. Hell, where did this punk go? It’s eating under the table to hide from some extinct predator. It soon disappears again, and the gnocchi continues to cool.

Behold, the play ends before half of the dough has been devoured. “You didn’t like it very much, did you?” I ask him. “I found it a little heavy.” The kid was elegant and political in his criticism.

I’m getting ready to mince the mule from there – everything has been paid for in advance – but Pedro has one final request. He wants a chocolate milkshake (R$31) with colorful marshmallows. I say I can’t ask anymore. The waiter gets involved and says yes. All right, it’s Easter, have more chocolate.

Afterwards, in the mall’s corridor, while Pedro stares at the milkshake, we talk about the play. It provides me with crucial information. The plot is practically the same as a dino show he saw with his mother, in the parking lot of another mall. The costumes also seem to be the same.

But what to expect from a jurassic show? Unpublished material? The last thing that happened to the dinosaurs was the meteor that swept them off the Earth’s surface.