Cuca is back at Atlético-MG. The most victorious coach in the history of Galo, who has already won a Libertadores and a Copa do Brasil and who took the club out of a 50-year drought with the 2021 Brazilian title, made his return last Friday. Cuca, who collected trophies in the teams he coached, has also had his name involved in a serious crime – a rape conviction in Switzerland when he was still a Grêmio player, in 1987.
The first two sentences of this paragraph have been repeated to exhaustion in the countless articles and debates about Cuca’s return to Atlético-MG in recent days. In fairness, after all, the coach really has an enviable curriculum when it comes to titles won. There is another part of his resume, however, that is often overlooked.
“People forget a lot about Cuca.” My friend and co-worker Ana Thais Matos remembered. We women don’t forget. Because this “detail” of Cuca’s career moves us. It was 35 years ago, it could have been 50 years ago or yesterday. The pain of an abused woman will always echo in us. It will awaken our pains, which we try to bury – but which resurface every time a new case appears.
Because, for us, this story of experiencing abuse and silence begins very early. Since adolescence, at 11 or 12, the harassment on the street, the forced kisses at the club, the grabs you didn’t ask for, the sex you didn’t consent to.
All of us, I repeat, ALL of us have not one, but several stories of harassment, abuse, violence to tell. Isn’t it curious that none of you men know about a friend who abused, harassed or raped a woman? I have a tip: you all know. Some of you are those men. And the worst of it all is that they insist on not realizing it.
Who ever took a drunk woman home and had sex without her being able to understand what she was doing? Who has shared “nudes” of a woman in the group of friends without her consenting? Who has already commented on the “nude” that the friend sent (of the woman who doesn’t even know her body is being shared)? Who ever insisted when the woman asked to stop, took off her underwear, pressed between her legs? Who kept on even though she said no, even though she said to?
Who of you has never heard stories like this at the bar table and laughed?
No, not every man, it’s true. But we all have stories of some man who did it. Isn’t it curious? And believe me, it wasn’t the dark alley monster in the dead of night. He was the friend; the boyfriend; the friend of the friend; an acquaintance; someone just like you.
That’s why it bothers you so much to see how naturally you men ignore Cuca’s conviction for rape. Because the naturalness with which you daily ignore the violence that we suffer from an early age opens up to us. It’s not relevant, doesn’t generate discussion, doesn’t need comment. You just shut up EVERY DAY.
What are you going to ask Cuca on the day of his presentation? I really wanted him to talk a little bit about what happened in 1987, about what he’s already reflected on. Not in a video produced alongside his wife and daughters trying to superficially close an issue that hasn’t even started. Allow us to ask, Cuca. Allow yourself to respond, to revisit that story with the awareness you have today.
And to the men who read this column, there is an invitation to reflect. I ask you a question that Milly Lacombe posed last year: if we all decided to talk about our abuses, how many of you would stand up? If you cannot change the past, from now on choose to be allies.
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