About 10,000 business books are published each year in the United States, the largest market on the planet. Most of them are unforgettable, of course, but it is inevitable that a few bombs escape the rigorous filters of the publishers.
Below are some — completely imaginary — examples of titles to avoid in 2022.
Cozy Up To Your Co-Worker! [Abrace o Seu Colega]
An academic and a coach with zero management experience offer nearly 300 pages of upbeat examples of how a combination of determination, empathy, diversity, inclusion – and hugs! – will put smiles on the faces of your weary subordinates and allow you to put off for even a few more months the pay raise they’ve long deserved.
The ME in Team. [O EU em Time]
The recently retired CEO of a company you’ve never heard of has devoted a tiny fraction of his multimillion-dollar retirement package to hiring a “ghostwriter.” The result of the effort is this dull account of his heroic service in the military and subsequent irresistible rise to command of the company, leaving out all the embarrassments, lawsuits, promised but unfulfilled results, and repeated rounds of layoffs. An example of history written by the victors.
Square Pegs: Smash Your Strategy into Shape [Pinos Quadrados, Buracos Redondos: Como Martelar Estrategicamente]
Seven partners at a well-known management consultancy turn their PowerPoint slides and the confidential information clients give them into what ostensibly looks like a new way of thinking about strategy. The good news: now you know where the consulting fees you paid went. The bad news: you’ll receive a box of copies of the book — the heaviest and least pleasant business card on the planet — as a gift to your executive team.
Who Stole My Fable? [Quem Roubou Minha Fábula]
A fanciful story about little woodland creatures who find a way to end their age-old disputes and embark on a miracle of shared creation that raises the forest’s return on investment while combating climate change. Told in short words, separated by blank pages, and accompanied by poorly made drawings. Aesop? You can forget. The hardcover version is available for $30 at the nearest airport bookstore. Millions of copies will be sold.
Kill Them: Leadership Lessons of the Tyrants. [Mate Todo Mundo: Lições de Liderança dos Grandes Tiranos]
There is much to be said for autocrats and dictators, but in the past this has often taken the form of unconvincing praise from terrified lackeys. Now, at last, there is a succinct manual that enumerates the real business benefits of iron-fisted management and efficient use of ammunition, from Attila the Hun to Stalin.
Rich, Richer, Richest. [Rico, ricão, ricaço]
Who knew it was so easy to join the quaquilionaires’ club? Implausibly handsome authors, holders of a much-followed Instagram account, explain the secrets of meme and cryptocurrency transactions, and invite readers to bet their hard-earned retirement money on a Twitter-based investment strategy to become the new Warren Buffett or Elon Musk. But quick, before they remove the ladder and the entire pyramid scheme comes crashing down.
The Bumper Book of Branding [Branding Bom e Bonito]
Text is very 2021. Enjoy this immense picture book, with hand-drawn graphics and elegant made-to-order photos, all in an uncomfortably large format that’s only fit for display on the coffee tables in the lobby of the marketing agency that funded the work . The perfect accompaniment is an online reputation management course and a motivational world tour (tickets on sale as long as the omicron allows).
The Deepest Dive: The Scandal That Briefly Unsettled Global Capitalism. [O Mergulho Mais Fundo: O Escândalo que Desordenou Brevemente o Capitalismo Mundial]
Three American newspaper reporters who had never liked each other from the start were persuaded to turn a series of investigative stories into a very, very long book. Each chapter begins with a limousine pulling up outside a luxury hotel. After the book, the authors will leave journalism and start working in public relations, and they will never speak to each other again. Recommended only for friends and relatives.
Nudge Me When I Fall Asleep [Me Cutuque Quando eu Cair no Sono]
Well-known social experiments revealed for the thousandth time in that tone of optimism that seems to imply that they hold the great secret of life. You’ll learn to constantly get excited about the most trivial advancements! You’ll understand for the first time how a coach managed to revive an obscure US sports team! You’ll wonder why the authors are making so much more money than the university professors who actually did the research! And you will never buy a book on behavioral science again.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho: The Unthinkable Future of Work [Eu Vou, Eu Vou: O Futuro Impensável do Trabalho]
Did you know that we spend more time working than sleeping? Oh, did you know? It doesn’t matter: this book will let you spend reading (and, if you’re lucky, dreaming) about work the time you don’t. Workers in the frila economy: widen your eyes at the utopia of having a real job again. Full-time workers: Tremble at the idea of a dystopia in which part-time workers steal their jobs. Bosses: remember that reading business books during working hours is a dismissalable infraction.
Translation by Paulo Migliacci
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I have over 8 years of experience in the news industry. I have worked for various news websites and have also written for a few news agencies. I mostly cover healthcare news, but I am also interested in other topics such as politics, business, and entertainment. In my free time, I enjoy writing fiction and spending time with my family and friends.
