Paula Fernandes remembers harassment, machismo and comments on her reputation for being unfriendly

“I live a process of maturation and deeper changes”. That’s how Paula Fernandes describes her current moment, which gave rise to the new work, “11:11”, released this week. At 38 years old, the singer says she is renewed and takes stock of everything she has been through, with the right to an apology.

“I made a lot of mistakes out of inexperience. There comes a time when the artist who is at the top doesn’t meet the demand. I didn’t have a prepared team, in 2011 I played 220 shows a year and it was impossible to meet all the fans. It was my mistake not to say more ‘no’ [aos contratantes]”, she says in a conversation with the F5.

Recalling her trajectory, Paula Fernandes says that it was difficult to be a pioneer “with high heels on stages always prepared to receive a man”, having faced machismo and even harassment, and that her shy way was often misunderstood and helped to create the fame of that haunts her to this day.

But the new phase arrives full of hope for the singer, who celebrates the self-knowledge acquired in the pandemic and the new perspective she gained after the car accident she suffered in August. In addition, she celebrates the improvement of her chronic migraine, which even inspired the name of the new work.

“I make different music, I treat people differently, I’m someone else”, she sums up, who also spoke about her relationship within the sertanejo, the work fiasco “Shalow Now” and even her fame as a bolsonarista. Below are edited excerpts from the interview.

You come back with an album of new songs (’11:11′) and you call yourself ‘a new Paula’. How’s that?

We wake up a new person every day. I live a process of maturation and deeper changes, the pandemic brought me self-knowledge. I was able to get inside myself, see priorities and rethink life. I was able to be with people I wasn’t before, I was more inside Paula Fernandes de Souza’s life. I rescued myself in quarantine and it helps me a lot now. Everyone around me feels that I am more settled with myself.

Why did it take three years to present a new work after ‘Origins’ (2019)?

I never followed the market flow of having to deliver a hit all the time. I don’t flow under pressure and respecting my time is important. This gap can be explained by not having this charge. It’s not that I plan, but things happen. In ’11:11′, there are only three re-recordings and the rest unreleased. It’s a cool design of everything.

You say the name of the record has to do with your migraine attacks. Have you cured yourself of it?

I still have them, there’s no cure. There is treatment, but I was doing it wrong. It’s a disease and I’m facing it. It’s a daily challenge, I give you injections every month, I do Botox on my head to be here talking to you without pain. But before it was a headache every day all the time. Last year, I went on the internet and saw an astrology website that spoke of the 11:11 portal. I set this day and time on my alarm clock and forgot about it. And exactly on that day and time I was entering a clinic to treat my pain. For me it was a sign. The person who has chronic migraine and doesn’t feel pain knows what it’s like to live. I make different music, I treat people differently, I’m a different person.

In 2019, the song ‘Together and Shallow Now’ became a joke. How did that move you?

There were those who didn’t like it, who made a joke and those who said it was a marketing gimmick. And it wasn’t. It ended up becoming a phenomenon precisely because of the memes, they helped a lot and everyone went to listen. It was wonderful. I was never upset. The Iron Man meme saying ‘together and shallow now’ was awesome (laughs). It was the best strategy I could have done without meaning to. The song had the most searched name of 2019 on the internet. Companies talked about it. I hope to have such a great idea for a new hit.

Were you sorry for Luan Santana for giving up recording the song?

My heart is at peace, I’m not friends with him because we never really had contact. There was an invitation, he accepted and left me alone at the altar, but it’s his conscience, I can only take care of my character and commitment. I don’t hold grudges, my heart only has room for good things. We don’t meet anymore, but if it happens one day it has to be natural. What has no solution in the world? I survived an accident, right? He never contacted me, but I don’t see any problem. For me it’s past.

People don’t usually see you in friendship circles with other sertanejos

This friendship thing is nice to talk about, because I really have few friends. I have many colleagues. Half country people and musical in general, we can’t find each other, all working at the same time. We only meet at festivals and I can’t delve deeper [o papo]. I couldn’t live with my own family. I’m a little more shy, but people keep creating stories. There are people who arrive in a circle and dominate the situation, but I have a good relationship with everyone. There is respect.

For some time you had a reputation for being unfriendly. Has it stopped or continues?

It’s still today, but it doesn’t keep me up at night. After the accident, it’s hard to get me to sleep, see? What is small has become smaller. But the reputation of being obnoxious has diminished with the internet because I can show more who I am. The truth is that I happened in a phenomenal way, it was all very big and we really lost control of the situation. I made many mistakes out of inexperience. There comes a time when the artist at the top can’t keep up with the demand. I didn’t have a prepared team, in 2011 I played 220 shows a year and it was impossible to meet all the fans. I apologize. It was my mistake not to say ‘no’ more [aos contratantes], so I would be more relaxed to receive the fan the way he likes it. It was all accelerated, I didn’t sleep and I’m still a woman. Part of the dislike stems from the fact that I pioneered skinny heels on stages that were always ready to welcome a man.

Did you suffer from machismo at that time?

All the time. I made way for the girls who are there, but today’s market no longer looks at a woman and asks why she wants a bathroom in her dressing room. It happened to me. I was labeled picky. ‘Wow, she wants a different floor on the stage,’ but I wore high heels, sang, danced and needed that. I was a piranha ox and suffered bombardment.

Have you ever been harassed behind the scenes of music and concerts?

Yup. I’m not a flirt, flirty, that’s my way, but that was frowned upon: ‘Wow, but why don’t you want to [sair com determinada pessoa]? Why not! She was the only girl backstage at the shows. People got to know me and saw my way. I’m discreet, but if I make friends, I make jokes and talk nonsense, I’m fun. Harassment has always existed, but at the time she was the only woman in a male-dominated environment. I always had a serious attitude. [Dizia] ‘I came here to work and I will return to my house.’

You recently revealed that you had depression at age 18 and suicidal thoughts

I don’t remember the last thought I had. I wrote a book to talk about it and demystify some things, to bring Paula that many don’t know. I had this depressive condition at 18, I treated myself and today I am active, more positive. Maturity arrives and we are better able to deal with problems and losses. It’s overcoming. If I can do it, everyone can.

Getting into politics a little. A lot of people say you’re a bolsonarista. Are they right?

They’ve already said that I’m a lulista too (laughs). I have a more reserved profile, but it seems that Brazil is split, people are super tough with their ideas and there is no dialogue. The people are one. I think everyone has to do more research on candidates and see which one is more their profile, which one has more to do with their lifestyle. I am a citizen who wants the best for the country and I encourage you to know more about each politician. It’s not tug of war or minefield. I’m at the moment of researching who I’m going to choose in the elections, I’m not alienated. The current [presidente Bolsonaro] has positive and negative points and who has already passed [pelo cargo] also. Until the vote I will be sure who I will vote for.