Marco Pigossi talks about the fear he had that they would find out he is gay

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Actor Marco Pigossi, 32, gave a long statement to Piauí magazine about his journey of acceptance, the fear he felt of discovering his sexual orientation when he was the heartthrob of soap operas on TV Globo and the distance from his father. The statement came about 40 days after he publicly assumed the relationship with Italian filmmaker Marco Calvani.

“I didn’t have any references in my life and, when I watched television, nothing helped me. In soap operas or comedy shows, gays were almost always portrayed in a caricature, pejorative way. So, feeling lonely and without support, I could only hope it was just a phase,” said the actor.

The actor stated that he found inspiration in the theater, which was a vocation and, at the same time, an escape because he could be anyone in the world in plays, books and stages. “I could be anything, including what I really am.”

Pigossi recalled that his first prominent character he played in a telenovela was Cássio, who was an effeminate gay man, in the telenovela Caras & Bocas (2009), by Walcyr Carrasco. He used a catchphrase “I got bubblegum pink” as a synonym for “I’m done”, which was popular with the public.

“At the age of 20, I was fulfilling the big dream of working as an actor in the biggest entertainment industry in the country, but I was living a personal drama: I felt chills just thinking that the public could suspect that the sexuality of the character and the actor were the same. . That possibility terrified me.”

The actor says that when he was approached by fans repeating the catchphrase “pink bubblegum”, he would firmly extend his hand and make a strong voice to ward off suspicion about his sexuality. At that time, the fear he had that his sexual orientation would be discovered led him to therapy during the recording of the soap opera. “It was as if I was wearing a heterosexual mask. The joy of playing a character that was popular with the public brought me distress.”

After the soap opera, the actor says that he played several roles of heartthrob because he fit into a “standard of heterosexuality”, which did not denounce his sexual orientation, but was unhappy inside. He says that coming out publicly protected his career and himself from the hostility and violence common in dealing with LGBTQIAP+ populations in Brazil.

“Actually, I pretended to be straight out of fear. Fear of my family, fear of my friends, fear of my career. Until then, I had never seen a soap opera heartthrob openly talk about his orientation. sexual. And my fear was not in vain.”

The actor also said that as he climbed the steps in the profession, fear increased and the possibility that someone would know about his sex life paralyzed him. He believed that doors would close and his career would be destroyed if people found out about his sexual orientation.

Pigossi revealed that in his twelve years of public life he hid from everyone the eight-year relationship he had with a man, living in the same house. The actor said he asked friends to go with him and his partner to the movies so he wouldn’t be seen alone in the company of another man. “I couldn’t let fear get the best of me, I had to go to the movies, but at the same time, I felt a panic of being discovered gay.”

The artist says that he went through a panic crisis due to fake news when he was on the air with the soap opera “Fina Estampa”, between 2011 and 2012. When he landed at an airport in Rio he read the false news that he had a relationship with actor Rodrigo Simas, who acted in the same soap opera. “The article didn’t give our names, but it made it clear who it was.”

The news spread and, still at the airport, the actor began to receive messages on Whatsapp. He had a panic attack, started shaking, sweating and went to the bathroom, where he locked himself in a stall and started vomiting.

“I called my partner, crying. I told myself that my career was over. I couldn’t get out of there. My partner had to take a flight from São Paulo to Rio to pick me up,” said the actor, who started taking medication. controlled to deal with panic.

Pigossi also spoke of his father’s distance, who never asked about his love life, even though he knew about his eight-year relationship with another man. According to him, what hurt the most was knowing that his father voted for Jair Bolsonaro in the last presidential elections, a politician who said he preferred a dead son to a gay son.

“I’ve always had difficulty understanding how a father chooses to vote for a politician who insults his own son in such a visceral way. My father and I didn’t speak during the election year and to this day we have only sporadic contacts. The abyss, which was already big, got even bigger. My dad is an affectionate, sensitive guy. I’m the first gay guy he’s dealt with. Little by little, I hope he learns to deal naturally.”

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