We usually use them as part of our behavior to protect ourselves. The problem is that some of these defense strategies do exactly the opposite of what they should do. That is, instead of protecting us, they unintentionally sabotage our lives. For example, we want to heal past wounds, but we bury our feelings instead of processing them. We want to have an overall positive mindset, but we can’t stop worrying about what might happen in the future. We want to connect with other people, but instead, we stay away from them out of our fear.

Here are the five most common defense mechanisms that may be sabotaging your own life:

  • Repulsion

Relegating your feelings to the depths of your unconscious might make you feel a little better in the moment, but have you ever thought about how this could affect your future self? The truth is that this is not how you protect yourself from the most unpleasant feelings. You are actually self-sabotaging yourself by allowing them to stay with you longer than necessary. If you never give yourself the time and space to really feel your feelings, then how are they going to be processed so you can move on?

  • Refusal

Denying reality and its facts may help you believe that you are avoiding all the uncomfortable feelings associated with them. But as long as you deny reality, you remain stagnant. Also, you don’t learn anything from what happens to you when you deny it. Try to admit, if only to yourself at first, exactly what is happening to you. And little by little you will process it and you will be able to overcome it.

  • Idealization

This is a defense mechanism that we usually use in our romantic and partner relationships. We idealize the other person so that we can justify him, his mistakes and his behavior. But this does harm to your own life because you accept behaviors that you do not deserve or do not fit with your logic – what is your logic – that the other person is powerful or omnipotent.

  • Forecast

You might think that focusing on everything that can go wrong in your life will help you prepare for that worst-case scenario. Or maybe you think that’s how you’ll prevent it. But learn that it is not so. What you are doing is sabotaging your life and empowering your fears. Try to pay attention only to the things that are beyond your control.

  • Insulation

Surely you too have experienced such a painful experience, being betrayed for example, and then raising walls to everyone around you. Don’t let anyone approach you with the fear that the same thing will happen to you again. But the truth is that you never know what the future holds for you. You can be cautious, but not completely negative about all experiences. This is how you lose all the fun in your life!