It must have happened to you: A day when you woke up wrong, without any appetite, when something worries you, makes you angry or saddens you. You get out of bed and do everything automatically: You get dressed like – like, take your things and leave for work. You walk into the office with a sullen expression and just want to do your work, not interact with anyone.

And then the unexpected happens: On a day like this, when nothing seems to be going well, a voice is heard saying: “You really like that blue sweatshirt” or “What do you want and you keep messing with your hair? The natural look brings you out better.” A good reason, that you didn’t order, but it came at the most opportune time. And your day suddenly changes.

A good conversation, which tends to be considered a rare phenomenon these days, can really add color to the grayest day and cheer you up. It’s simple, kind, and costs nothing. In order to succeed, however, there is a basic condition: To be honest and specific. A good talk said simply for the sake of saying it is easily perceived, and the effect it will produce will probably be quite the opposite of what is desired.

So, say that good talk you thought of to your friend, colleague or neighbor. But make sure you meet the right conditions.

Renowned relationship counselor John Gottman says the best compliments have two parts: a statement and an example. The best compliments use these two elements and focus on:

  • An action taken by a person
  • A feature of it that you appreciate
  • Something he has done to benefit you

Compliments also have their rules

If you want to give a compliment, make sure you remember five important things:

  • Be specific

Focus on a specific asset in a person and praise them for it. It shows consideration and genuine appreciation, not just a blanket acknowledgment.

  • Be honest

Don’t tell someone they lost weight when you don’t see any difference. Instead, prefer to point out something that you know is true and that the other person will recognize as a sincere compliment. If the recipient of your compliment realizes that you are saying something just for the sake of saying it, chances are that they will be displeased and lose their trust and appreciation for you.

  • Timing is everything

Does it make sense to comment on how nice your bestie’s hair is when she’s done the best she can to do the housework? Probably not. So choose the right time for every good conversation you want to say, otherwise, no matter how good your intentions are, the words will automatically lose their meaning.

  • Don’t force yourself to say anything

Regina George said: “Say something good and mean it, otherwise don’t say anything». Follow this wise saying. You don’t have to be desperate for good conversation every time you see someone. Say something if you really have something to say. Compliments that are born by force are much brighter and I don’t think they will lead to the result you wanted.

  • Stay away from comparisons

In an age where everyone’s worth is measured and calculated by the worth of everyone else, contributing your words to comparisons is probably completely uncalled for, even if the person you’re addressing is the one doing something better. Want to compliment your bestie on their cooking? Don’t tell him it’s better than someone else’s, just tell him how much you enjoy trying his food. This is enough.

Focus on the person in front of you and give him a unique compliment, born just for him. That alone can make even the worst day better.