A person who is a people-pleaser tends to put the needs of others above his own. If you are such a person, logically those around you will consider you a pleasant, kind and helpful person, however, in many cases you can sacrifice a lot to be like that.
Usually one or more people pleaser finds it difficult to set boundaries, and constantly enters a pattern of self-sacrifice and self-neglect in order to satisfy the desires of others.
A person who has this behavior often has low self-esteem and needs the approval and approval of those around him to feel better. Here are some key points that usually characterize you if you are a people-pleaser:
You need everyone to like you and you are afraid of rejection
This need can lead you to do things with the sole aim of accepting those around you, who want you to stay happy so that they do not reject you. Still, you have a great need to feel useful and measure your value based on how others see you.
You find it difficult to say “no”
Even in cases where you do not want to participate in an action or do not have the energy and time to help in a situation, you find it difficult to refuse what is offered to you, thus often putting the needs of others above your own. When you finally say “no” you feel guilty.
You keep saying “sorry”, even in cases where you are not guilty of anything
You spontaneously manage to apologize and take responsibility, even for things that have nothing to do with your own actions.
You agree with almost everything that those around you support
You are in a hurry to agree with the views and wishes of others, even when you do not feel that you completely agree with what they support. Also, in many cases you change your character depending on the person in front of you and you adapt to his own behavior.
You find it difficult to recognize your own feelings
Trying to understand how those around you feel and to satisfy their own needs as a priority, can make you neglect your own introspection and not give time to manage what you feel.
You are afraid of conflicts and you do everything so that the people around you do not get angry with you
One of the main reasons you say “yes” to things you do not want, put back your own needs and apologize at the first opportunity, is that you are afraid of angering or “alienating” the person in front of you.
Finally, you have reduced free time or time for yourself, because very often you spend too many hours to satisfy the demands of those around you.
But why do some people develop this behavior? What makes us people – pleasers?
According to psychotherapist Sharon Martin “our need to please others is actually more a need to belong somewhere. And our need to belong was probably written in our DNA millions of years ago. To survive, prehistoric man had to form groups or tribes that offered protection from predators, pooling resources, and working together. “So if they were not accepted by the team, there was a good chance you would starve to death or be eaten by a tiger.”
Based on Dr. Teyhou Smyth, this behavior is more common in people with a traumatic family history or other trauma related to toxic or abusive relationships.
Still, although all people are vulnerable to the effects of traumatic or toxic relationships, it is a fact that women are raised from childhood to adapt to social norms that make them particularly vulnerable to becoming people-pleasers.
Girls are called to be quiet and happy, not to claim what they want and to please others. This can be seen from a relevant survey which showed that while 54% of the women who participated showed people-pleaser behavior, the corresponding percentage of men who had this behavior was 40%.
If you feel that all or some of the above elements describe your own behavior, and if you feel that you often neglect your own feelings and needs for the sake of others, you feel too stressed about whether you are accepted by those around you, you do not have time for yourself or you think that some people are taking advantage of your kindness and kindness, maybe it’s time to do something about it: a visit to one or more mental health professionals will definitely help you to set your own limits, to regain it. your self-esteem and finally put your own needs first.
For the first time, you deserve to take care of yourself first of all. What do you think;
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