Disorganization can affect couples’ relationships in a negative way.

The wet towel on the bed, the dishes piled up in the sink and the clothes mixed up in the closet. Who has never encountered these situations when sharing the same space with their partner? This scenario, however, can compromise a couple’s love life.

To try to overcome difficulties in the midst of disorganization, experts recommend talking about the limits of each one and understanding what the other doesn’t feel good doing. Negotiation and dialogue are the ways.

Cameraman Eduardo Cesar Gonçalves, 57, and content producer Paula Géssica, 34, have been married for 14 years. They have already lost count of how many times they fought over the organization of the apartment where they live.

Paula admits to being the disorganized one, but even so, she feels wronged in some situations. “Edu keeps things so well that he forgets himself. When he loses or doesn’t know where he put everything OK. But if that happens to me, he starts complaining. I feel bad, it seems I’m not even in my house”, he says.

Eduardo, on the other hand, tries to abstract, but he doesn’t always succeed. “I wonder if she needs to occupy the two bathrooms with her things, of the eight drawers in the closet, five are just for her and her shoes are already invading my side”, he criticizes.

The disorganization interferes in the production and reproduction of affections in the relationship, since there is an overload of work for one of the protagonists, says psychologist Jacqueline Figueiredo, master in Sexual Education at Unesp (Universidade Estadual Paulista).

Affections can move from a friendly climate to a confrontational one, in addition to feelings of distrust, helplessness, lack of motivation or stress.

There is, however, no way to avoid the conflict. Even if negotiations are carried out honestly to minimize disagreements and discomfort, Figueiredo says that it is necessary to observe the differences between each one.

“Therefore, whenever a relationship is discussed, the agreements to be made must be addressed and they must include aspects of greater or lesser value to those involved. [Se] there is something that is “non-negotiable”, that the other person doesn’t really feel comfortable doing”, he emphasizes.

The limits between the non-negotiable and the negotiable will depend on the individuality of each one.

“Considering this, resuming the agreements made at the first moment of the relationship is a constant for the relationship to be healthy”, completes the psychologist.

But it’s not just laziness, disorganization can also be a symptom of anxiety.

Sirlene Ferreira, a psychologist and psychoanalyst specializing in school and organizational psychology, says that perfectionist people may need professional attention.

“Living in a plastered and super controlled environment is stressful. Let’s imagine that after an exhausting day at work, all we want is to get home and rest.

Having arrangements like putting the used glass in the sink to wash can help. “The inconvenience is having to put the glass in the sink according to the perfectionist’s requirements. It is unlikely that this relationship can be harmonious”, says Ferreira.

If one of the partners has a diagnosis of depression or is going through the puerperium, organization should be a lower priority in the relationship.

mess x dirt

Mess, however, is different from dirt. If a person doesn’t mind sleeping in a dirty place and using a bathroom without a minimum of cleaning, he is emotionally unwell.

“We cannot say what their psychopathology is, but that there is something that makes them accept an environment without the least order and cleanliness, that person’s self-esteem is affected”, says Ferreira.

According to the expert, couples can make arrangements, so neither of them will be overwhelmed. Understanding that everyone has their time is also important. Washing the dishes after lunch or after a break has to be something negotiable.

“Competition to find out who is more or less organized only generates tension between the couple”, says the psychologist.

How to keep the organization?

Dividing tasks, talking and using organizers can be exits for a more harmonious coexistence. Organizer Ju Aragon has prepared tips that can help reduce conflicts between couples.

divide the tasks. Making deals is a very effective strategy when it comes to organization. This will make both of you commit to your obligations and know exactly what your tasks are.

“Decide together what each one feels more comfortable doing and what is possible to fit into the day to day, among other commitments. In this way, the organization will become a habit, avoiding possible discussions”, says Aragon.

Dialogue above all. The organizer remembers that the basis of any relationship is dialogue, but when it comes to a couple, especially those who have just started their life together, talking is even more important.

She also reinforces that the home should be the couple’s safe haven, and this will only happen if there is a constant exchange.

“Say what you like and what you don’t like always respectfully and suggesting improvements. You’ll know you’re on the right track when you consider your home to be the best place to enjoy and rest.”

Organizers as allies. After defining the responsibilities of each one and implementing the habit of planning and talking, organizers can be allies of the routine.

“Created especially for the purpose of bringing quality of life and facilitating the routine, the couple can invest in organizers for all the environments of the house, starting with the most jokers and that are most necessary in the routine of both. For example, the beehives are perfect to delimit the space of each one inside the wardrobe”, says Aragon.