Asexuals are fine without sex and can be romantically involved.

Money and sex are two of the issues that move humanity. So when billionaire Elon Musk said he hadn’t had sex in “centuries,” the world greeted the news with amazement and humor.

The businessman made the statement in defense of the news that he had an “affair” with Nicole Shanahan, ex-wife of Google co-founder Sergey Brin. The way society responded to the statement by the Tesla CEO and Space-X founder reignited the debate: is it possible to be happy without sex?

The truth is that many people today live without having sex, either by choice or because of their sexual orientation. The letter “A”, from the acronym LGBTQIA+, for example, corresponds to asexuals, those who do not feel sexual attraction to other people. The group can live without sex and still relate romantically.

Saleswoman Diane Barbosa dos Santos, 22, is asexual and has never missed it. “I’ve always had an aversion to having sex, just imagining it makes me nauseous and very irritable,” she says. Romantically, she is homosexual and has come to fear being alone.

“The sight of myself in the future without a partner to love and trust made me worried. Loneliness didn’t seem very pleasant, but nowadays, with a lot of reflection, I’ve accepted it better. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who accepts me the way I I am, it will be good. If I don’t find it, I can live with it”, says the saleswoman.

She even heard from colleagues that not having sex was bad for your health. “We asexuals are normal people who just don’t have a sexual predilection and that’s okay. We’re not hurting anyone and we deserve respect.”

Henrique Arenare, professor at FCMMG (Faculty of Medical Sciences of Minas Gerais) and psychiatrist at Mater Dei Hospital, says that ignorance creates space for prejudice and exclusion.

“Our western society is highly sexualized and this is very much present in the media. In addition, there is a great lack of knowledge on the part of the population about what, for example, asexuality is. in the traditional sexual pattern”, affirms Arenare.

According to the doctor, there is a spectrum of variations among asexuals and when there is suffering, the development of anxiety disorder or depression can occur. He claims that asexuality needs to be better publicized as a sexual identity.

“When a person who is hetero/homo/bisexual decides not to have sex, we can say that he is in sexual abstinence. That is, he feels sexual attraction, but for some reason decides to stop. feel interest.”

Unlike abstinent people – who do not have a partner – or celibate people – who choose not to have sex for religious and philosophical reasons – some asexuals even have sex and practice masturbation.

Others even have sex to have children or maintain a romantic relationship. This is the case of Isabela (not her real name), 24, who discovered she was asexual at the age of 12. For 4 years she has been in a heterosexual relationship for having been romantically involved with a person.

“Asexual does not mean being celibate, it is not because you are asexual that you will not have sex. It is what differentiates us from being celibate. There are those who are repulsed, but not all of them”, said Isabela. According to the manager, the asexual can have sex for various reasons without feeling sexual attraction. “We just don’t feel attraction, but we can feel love for the person, be in love and that’s reason enough for some.”

She also says that using the term “asexual” is not only incorrect but also offensive. “Asexual is a species that reproduces by releasing gametes. Literally, it subdivides to procreate. We feel like a bacterium!”, says the manager.

Micro-entrepreneur Kátia Regina Aiello, 58, has lived several relationships, but has been without sex for 8 years due to lack of a partner – she is not asexual.

“At first I panicked at the possibility of not kissing someone’s mouth, of having intimacy, but then I realized that being without sex gives an emotional stability that generates greater productivity”, says Aiello.

According to the businesswoman, there are a lot of demands from friends to get into a new relationship. “It took me a while to learn to live without someone, but after I stopped having sex I realized how much I didn’t like it. [do jogo de sedução para encontrar alguém]”, says Aiello. She is in therapy and said it helps her to understand who she is and to be okay with it.

Psychiatrist Arenare recalls that not having sex has benefits such as avoiding STIs (sexually transmitted infections), but that this is a consequence and not the objective of someone who is asexual. For him, even with studies on the positive effect of sex, mental health should still be prioritized.

“It is important to work on self-acceptance and establish support groups as virtual communities for asexual people. It is also valid to have educational campaigns to combat prejudice and demystify asexuality”, says the specialist.

He stressed that people of other sexual orientations can develop reduced libido at some stage of life, but that this should be treated as a sexual dysfunction and be monitored by specialized professionals.

“In this case, the person felt sexual desire and started not feeling it for some reason and has great suffering and damage with it. . Both should seek professional help to deal with this”, concludes Arenare.