Most young people do not talk to their parents about sex, Datafolha shows

Less than half of young Brazilians talk to their parents about subjects considered taboo. Those who talk to their parents about drug use are 47%, while those who talk about problems with their boyfriends are 45%. If the subject is sex life, the number drops to 40%, reveals a survey by Datafolha.

Subjects considered less sensitive, such as school performance, are the subject of dialogue for 67% of them, and the consumption of alcoholic beverages, 57%.

The survey also showed that women are more willing than men to talk about all the questions asked.

The biggest discrepancy is in relation to relationship problems, in which 51% of them report talking to their parents against 39% of them, followed by drug consumption, with 50% of women and 39% of men, and sex life, with 43% against 37%.

For this research, Datafolha heard a thousand young people aged between 15 and 29, from 12 Brazilian capitals, between July 20th and 21st of this year. The margin of error is plus or minus three percentage points.

experts consulted by Sheet say that teenagers seek independence from their parents and, therefore, it is normal for them to avoid talking about some subjects. The generational difference and the ease of young people in seeking information through other means such as the internet can accentuate the difficulty in establishing dialogue.

For Manuela Moura, a psychologist at UFBA (Federal University of Bahia) and a specialist in couples and family therapy, the opening to talk about these matters should come from the parents, even if they think differently from their children. For this, it is necessary that taboos be set aside – sex, drugs and relationships are part of life and therefore need to be discussed.

“To hear what your son or daughter has to say, you don’t have to agree. They will say things that are different, you will say that you disagree, but let it be done in a way that is not through violence, cursing and disqualification”, he says.

This is the case of architecture student Rafaela Azevedo Neves, 21, resident of São Bernardo do Campo, in Greater São Paulo. Rafaela says that she and her sister have always been open to talking about everything with their parents, even subjects considered controversial. The welcome they feel since childhood was crucial to establish this trust, she says.

Designer Flávio José Neves, 53, the girls’ father, says this was a family concern. He and his mother, saleswoman Luciana Azevedo Neves, 51, feared that if they refrained from talking about difficult topics at home, they would find out about them through friends or on the internet.

“If we create these taboos inside here, it will come from outside. Coming from outside, we don’t know how it will arrive”, says Luciana.

For the UFBA psychologist, this type of family dynamic makes young people understand that they can count on their family, even if they think differently. On the other hand, when parents adopt very critical and combative postures, this can turn into withdrawal and lack of trust.

Hostile is the word Evelyn Xavier, 22, uses to describe her mother’s reaction when she learned that her daughter had sex for the first time. A resident of São Paulo, the student has always lived only with her mother, with whom she was very close. At age 15, when she changed schools to attend high school, their relationship began to change.

The contact with different people made the then teenager approach more progressive ideas and get involved with social agendas, such as feminism. Her mother, however, did not approve of the change. When the student stopped accompanying her in evangelical services, this distance intensified.

Although Evelyn does not blame her mother for the way she reacted to her daughter’s changes, the young woman says she would have had less difficulty if she had talked about the new experiences at home.

“Everyone knows that if you’re going to start having sex you need to use a condom. I knew I needed to use it, but I didn’t know how to put it on, for example. A lot of things I only learned after I started doing this. if there had been a previous conversation,” he says.

For psychologist Talita Fabiano de Carvalho, president of the Regional Council of Psychology of São Paulo, due to the lack of support and the unpreparedness of some parents, the school must be able to assume this role, in addition to creating an environment in which subjects are discussed. and taught without taboos.

For the experts consulted, the autonomy of the young person is important for maturation, but the freedom to talk openly with parents about any subject is essential for building maturity and emotional trust.

The main step to establish this trust is alterity – it is necessary to understand that the young person can think differently and that this needs to be respected.