Learn How To Survive Relatives At Christmas

The end of the year parties, for many people, are the occasion for a good family reunion. Which can be synonymous with harmonious moments, or heated debates about anything: Bolsonaro government, vaccine against Covid or raisins in food – it is always possible to talk about all this in the same night and still leave room for the joke of the pavé in the dessert.

With the omicron variant and the flu spreading faster than the holiday spirit, many people may want to revert to the “stay home” hashtag.

By the way, as Datafolha showed, most Brazilians say they should avoid traveling and meeting people from outside the home at the end of the year parties. 62% declare that they intend to meet only with residents of their own homes at Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

For the other 38% who will be exposed to the risk of infamous puns and unwanted discussions, the tip is: “This should be accepted in a natural way, without being a reason for conflict. Each one has to feel free to act from the way that it is more comfortable”, says psychologist Vanessa Gebrim.

The problem for many is the social pressure of being with the family, but this scenario is not always good for the person, says psychiatrist Jorge Silveira. “It’s okay if you don’t go if you think it’s a time when you’re better off alone or with a closer family.” He remembers, however, that the decision will have consequences and that it is important to evaluate pros and cons.

As many families have lost someone to Covid, it’s natural that people prefer to stay away — even more so as many haven’t had the chance to go through rituals like a wake or funeral. For Silveira, if you feel welcomed in the family bed, it’s worth the effort to be there.

“It’s a time when you share experiences, relive some of your pain, make it shared, and this can often help in the process of walking through the evolution stages of grief.”

As this is the second Christmas in the pandemic, you may not have reunited by the end of 2020 with your relatives. As nostalgia goes more with forgetting than farofa with raisins (look at the controversy), the fights and tensions of the last family meeting, two years ago, have already been buried with so much bad news from Covid.

For Christian Dunker, psychoanalyst and professor at the Institute of Psychology at USP, it is important not to forget completely how the last time there was a fraternization with relatives was, because the same defects and the critical voice of some will still be present.

“The good thing about this is that even these misfortunes, repeated over time, form a kind of memory, which goes from childhood to adolescence, which sometimes reaches adulthood. In the end, these disagreements will be part of the conversations already expected for Christmas.”

As they say, whoever hits forgets, but whoever gets beaten always remembers.

In addition to Santa Claus, other characteristic characters can appear at the dinner table, such as the uncle of the pavé, the inconsequential cousin, the reactionary grandfather or the revolutionary nephew.

“It’s important to be prepared and, preferably, neutralize with humor, sometimes advancing the topic a little”, suggests Dunker. How, doctor? “I know they’re going to fight, so it’s forbidden [falar sobre] Bolsonaro before turkey. Only after the turkey.”

Another solution is to advance Brazil’s future to the present and give the excuse that it is not possible to talk about certain subjects in front of children. Even though they can have more arguments than many adults.

Tricks like faking a call or paying attention to the house pet are quite tricky, but they can still help. It is also possible to set a signal in advance with a close relative, to return to “that subject” and get away from those who are bothering you.

It is worth bearing in mind that the amount of alcohol in the blood is proportional to the level of controversial statements and/or tears shed.

Regardless of political polarization and issues related to the pandemic, there are certain frictions that will always be present.

“Family conflicts will continue to appear as usual, like a daughter-in-law with her mother-in-law or a mother with her daughter. It’s difficult to be very different from what you already are”, says psychologist and psychoanalyst Amanda Vargas.

As we are at the moment of plans for the next year, how about starting the Christmas 2022 project? It’s 12 months until the next family get-together, and by then lots of therapy sessions can do more for you than a set of sit-ups at the gym.

Despite Christmas tensions, Vargas leaves a positive message. “Families will survive. They survive as long as the world is the world.” Or, as Dudu Nobre would say, “they fight for any reason, but they end up asking for forgiveness.”