“We buy toys for our children but we don’t play with them…”
When the Austrian psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Victor Frankl (Victor Frankl) got out of the concentration camp after three years in four Nazi detention centers, he had lost his father, his mother, his brother and his wife. But he himself survived and had very important things to say.
He began to record what he had observed in himself and his fellow prisoners and tried to identify common characteristics in those who survived. What he found was that those who managed to survive were not those who possessed physical strength, stamina and health but those who had a purpose in life and based on that, envisioned their future.
With this example, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author Iakovos Martidis explains to APE-MPE that happiness does not depend only on what life brings to people, but above all on how they manage it themselves.
He believes, in fact, that hope and perspective decisively influence people’s interpretation of what is happening around them and states that “happiness is a matter of education”.
Meaning in pain
“If life has meaning in joy, then it also has meaning in pain. So it’s enough for everyone to give meaning to their pain because a stupid pain is unbearable” says Mr. Martidis. He cites, at the same time, the example of the woman who gives birth but her pain acquires elements of joy as her child comes to life, the case of gymnastics where the practitioner is tired and toils but rejoices because his pain has meaning, even the fasting that can cause a sense of scarcity but provide joy and many health benefits.
“There is nothing that happens in the world without reason, without meaning, whether we know it or not. On the other hand, man needs hope” he comments and underlines that happiness is not a permanent, static state, but an attitude to life, an inner look, a subjective assessment, a dynamic state that is built and cultivated every day.
With this thought, parents can cultivate in their children an interpretative view and an experiential sense of life, so that they learn to interpret what happens by giving them perspective. “By changing the interpretation of what happens to us, their meaning for us also changes,” he emphasizes.
The example of the parent
A condition for this to happen is, according to Mr. Martidis, that the parent himself be the example that his child will imitate. “A parent could be angry about what they don’t have or grateful for what they do have. Anyone who has children can become the best version of themselves, because this will be the most influential factor towards their child. His task, after all, is not to reproduce himself in the face of children but to create a better, improved version of himself” he comments.
Quality time together – Encouragement and reward
In the whole effort, the role of common experiences and the time spent together by the members of a family is decisive. “Shared time does not mean that parents and children are in the same space but that they do things together in the same space” he notes and points out that through this specific process the children’s psychological needs are also covered, the need for love, acceptance, encouragement, association, sharing , bid, game, bound.
“We buy toys for our children but we don’t play with them. We value the big but not the small and everyday. We appreciate things only when we lose them while we can also appreciate every moment, when we open our eyes in the morning, when we can satisfy our basic needs on our own, without help. We can say ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’, ‘I love you’, ‘you deserve’, ‘well done’ to give to others without expecting anything in return and so we will feel good about ourselves no matter what they do the others. All of this has to do with the quality of human relationships, which according to Harvard research, is the secret of happiness and determines our lives,” he emphasizes.
Especially about the role of encouragement, he states that it is much more important than advice and instructions and comments: “only advice does not change things. We may say ‘be happy’, ‘don’t worry’, ‘eat’, ‘dress’, ‘take care’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘believe in yourself’. These are just words. But when we say more positive words of encouragement and give children opportunities to take initiatives, then they get wings for big and quality flights. This is how we nurture their bright and creative sides and not their dysfunctional behaviors. And it’s not easy, it’s difficult, but it’s a charming life gamble.”
Supporting children to fulfill their dreams
Mr. Martidis characterizes as the worst wish of all to wish a parent that all the dreams he has for his child come true. “I’ve heard people say that they live to make their parents happy or that they started living the moment their parents passed away,” she says and recommends everyone to help their children fulfill their dreams.
He may need help
In the process of cultivating happiness in children, the psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author notes that everyone may need help, which can be obtained either from books that open horizons, or through psychotherapy, or through relationships with people who possess a life wisdom. “Many times people face problems, dilemmas and impasses, they find it difficult to cope with themselves or with their children and then it is good to ask for help” he adds.
“There are people with disabilities who say they are blessed and happy. According to traditions carried down to the present day, pain and illness are a problem that simultaneously presents a gift. If we discover it, we will come out victorious” he comments and emphasizes: “for me, happiness is the ability to love and be loved and at the same time to be in love with something, a longing, a passion, something that ‘nourishes’ a person…”.
Source :Skai
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